October is ADHD Awareness Month

10/13/2025

Understanding, Supporting & Empowering People with ADHD

by Fallon Panetta, MS, MHC Intern

Each October, ADHD Awareness Month highlights the importance of education, early
identification, and support for individuals with Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD). It is estimated that ADHD affects approximately 9.8% of U.S. children and 4.4% of adults, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC). At Healing & Growth Counseling, we believe awareness goes beyond sharing information—it’s about building understanding, reducing stigma, and providing effective, evidence-based care that fosters long-term growth and well-being.

What is ADHD?

ADHD is a neurodevelopmental condition that impacts attention, impulse control, and activity regulation. It involves differences in how the brain manages executive
functions—skills that include planning, organizing, prioritizing, and sustaining effort. These brain-based differences can affect performance in academic, professional, and social environments.

While ADHD is often associated with distractibility or hyperactivity, the condition is more complex. Individuals with ADHD may experience challenges managing time, following multi-step directions, or maintaining consistent focus, particularly during tasks that require sustained mental effort. Despite these challenges, individuals with ADHD often demonstrate creativity, problem-solving skills, and persistence when properly supported.

Man sitting at desk with head on face and crumpled paper on desk. Symptoms of ADHD can include difficulty focusing and staying on task, which can lead to frustration and feelings of inadequacy. Call today to schedule an appointment for ADHD online therapy in NY today.

What are the Symptoms of ADHD?

ADHD symptoms can vary widely depending on the person, age, and environment.
Common symptoms include:

● Difficulty sustaining attention or completing tasks
● Forgetfulness and frequent loss of items
● Challenges organizing time and materials
● Restlessness or difficulty remaining seated
● Impulsive behaviors such as interrupting or acting quickly without considering
consequences
● Difficulty regulating frustration or emotions
● Challenges maintaining focus during non-preferred activities

Some individuals experience internal symptoms such as racing thoughts or mental
overactivity, which can lead to emotional fatigue. Recognizing that ADHD affects both attention and self-regulation helps guide more effective intervention.

When ADHD is untreated, individuals may experience chronic stress, lower academic or occupational performance, and increased risk for anxiety or depression. However, with evidence-based treatment and consistent support, most individuals can develop effective strategies to manage symptoms and thrive personally and professionally.

What are the three types of ADHD?

The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5-TR) outlines three
primary presentations of ADHD:

Inattentive Type

A person with this type of ADHD often experiences difficulty sustaining focus, organizing tasks, or following detailed instructions.

Hyperactive-Impulsive Type

A person with this type of ADHD may have high energy levels, talk frequently, or act quickly without pausing to think.

Combined Type

This type of ADHD includes characteristics of both inattentive and hyperactive-impulsive presentations.

No two individuals with ADHD are the same. Symptoms and functional impact can vary depending on age, setting, stress, and environmental demands. For instance, a student might struggle with attention in class but excel in hands-on or creative tasks.

ADHD symptoms typically begin in childhood, but many individuals are not diagnosed until adulthood. This delay can occur when symptoms are subtle, well-compensated for, or misattributed to other factors such as anxiety, learning differences, or environmental stressors. Increased self-awareness and growing societal understanding have led to more adults recognizing ADHD traits in themselves and seeking assessment.

Can ADHD Develop Later in Life?

ADHD is a lifelong condition that begins in childhood, even if it is not diagnosed until
later. Adults who were not identified early may start to notice difficulties when life
responsibilities increase—such as managing work tasks, college coursework, or
parenting demands. Research shows that ADHD symptoms can persist across the
lifespan, though they may present differently as individuals mature. For example,
hyperactivity in children may appear as inner restlessness or difficulty relaxing in adults.

Many adults who receive a diagnosis later in life describe it as clarifying—providing a framework to understand longstanding experiences with attention, organization, and self-regulation. This understanding often opens the door to effective treatment and self-compassion. Even if not diagnosed until adulthood, therapy and treatment can be effective and life-changing.

A design describing ADHD Mindfulness strategies. Therapy can help make powerful and positive changes in your life. Reach out today to schedule ADHD online therapy in NY today.

What does ADHD Therapy Look Like?

There is no single “cure” for ADHD, but treatment is highly effective when tailored to the individual. Therapy is a central component of a multimodal treatment approach, which may also include behavioral interventions, academic or workplace accommodations, and in some cases, medication prescribed by a medical provider.

At Healing & Growth Counseling, therapy for ADHD is personalized to address each client’s specific goals and challenges. Common approaches include:

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) for ADHD

CBT helps clients identify and modify thought patterns that contribute to procrastination, perfectionism, or frustration. It also builds problem-solving skills and adaptive coping strategies.

Mindfulness-Based Strategies for ADHD

Mindfulness practices improve attention control, reduce impulsivity, and help individuals regulate emotional responses.

Executive Function Coaching for ADHD

Practical strategies are introduced to enhance organization, time management, and planning—such as using visual reminders, structured routines, and task breakdown methods.

Parent and Family Counseling for ADHD

For children and adolescents, therapy often involves parents or caregivers to reinforce consistent routines, communication skills, and positive reinforcement systems at home.

Therapy provides a supportive environment where clients can better understand their brain’s unique functioning, recognize personal strengths, and build confidence in their ability to manage daily responsibilities.

A drawing on a chalkboard of a head and descriptions of ADHD Superpowers. Therapy can help reframe and refocus symptoms of ADHD into

How can I support a Loved One with ADHD?

Supporting someone with ADHD involves patience, structure, and clear communication. Establishing predictable routines and breaking tasks into smaller, manageable steps can reduce overwhelm. Visual tools—such as planners, timers, or checklists—are especially useful for enhancing focus and organization.

Encouraging open communication is key. Ask what types of reminders or supports are most helpful, and provide feedback in a calm and collaborative way. Emphasize
strengths and progress rather than focusing solely on areas of difficulty. Positive
reinforcement helps increase confidence and motivation.

It’s equally important to maintain flexibility—what works one day may not always work the next. Consistent encouragement, balanced expectations, and understanding that ADHD is a difference in neurodevelopment, not a lack of effort, all promote long-term success.

How Healing & Growth Counseling Can Help

At Healing & Growth Counseling, we understand that ADHD influences many aspects of daily life—from focus and organization to relationships and self-esteem. Our therapists provide individualized care rooted in current research and best practices. We work collaboratively with clients and families to identify strengths, set achievable goals, and build strategies that lead to meaningful progress.

Whether you’re navigating ADHD as a parent seeking support for your child, a college student learning time management skills, or an adult balancing work and family demands, therapy can help you better understand your challenges and use your strengths to overcome them.

ADHD Awareness Month serves as an important reminder that education and early
intervention matter. By increasing understanding and access to care, we can help
individuals with ADHD lead fulfilling, productive, and balanced lives.

About the Author

Fallon Panetta, MS, MHC Intern, is a full-time school counselor with 19 years of experience supporting children with ADHD and other social-emotional needs. She helps students strengthen focus, organization, and emotional regulation through strategies like mindfulness, movement breaks, visual schedules, and positive self-talk. Fallon enjoys teaching students how to pause before reacting, set small goals, and recognize their strengths. She is currently pursuing her advanced certificate in mental health counseling to continue helping children, teens, and families thrive both in and out of the classroom.

Interested in learning more about Fallon and her work? Read her bio here.

Interested in reading more about ADHD and neurodivergence? Check out our Neurodivergence service page here.

Interested in scheduling an appointment with one of our clinicians? Call us at (516) 406-8991 or fill out our Contact Form here.

What is Complex Trauma and C-PTSD?

10/1/2025

What is Complex Trauma and C-PTSD?

by Talia Bina, MSEd, MPhil, MHC-LP

Complex Trauma, sometimes called Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (C-PTSD), develops from repeated or prolonged exposure to traumatic experiences, often beginning in childhood. Contrarily to PTSD, which is typically linked to a single traumatic event, Complex Trauma is usually the result of ongoing trauma such as abuse, neglect, domestic violence, or growing up in an unstable or unsafe environment. Over time, this repeated exposure can deeply affect a person’s sense of self, relationships, and ability to feel safe in the world. People with C-PTSD may struggle with emotional regulation, self-esteem, trust, and may experience intense feelings of shame, guilt, or worthlessness.

The interesting thing about C-PTSD is that it is not actually recognized in the DSM-5 (the manual most clinicians use in the U.S. to diagnose individuals). However, it has been recognized by the World Health Organization since 2018 in the ICD-11 (the international classification of diseases).

Man looking down and clasping hands. Complex Trauma can impact many areas of a person's life. For help with C-PTSD, reach out to Healing & Growth Counseling for in person and online therapy in NY.

What are the signs and symptoms of C-PTSD?

The following list describes some of the signs and symptoms of C-PTSD. You may notice that some of the symptoms overlap with other medical and mental health conditions.

Trauma and Memory

Intrusive flashbacks
Emotional reliving of past experiences
Gaps in childhood memories

Emotional and Cognitive

Chronic shame or guilt
Difficulty regulating emotions
Dissociation
Perfectionism
Persistent overthinking

Interpersonal

Trust issues
Social anxiety
People-pleasing behaviors rooted in fear of conflict or rejection

Physical

Chronic pain
Sleep problems
Digestive issues
Body tension linked to prolonged stress

Behavioral

Avoidance of trauma triggers
Overexplaining or apologizing excessively
Self-soothing through food, substances, or other coping behaviors

Hyperarousal

Hypervigilance
Exaggerated startle responses
Reliance on the “Four F’s” of survival (Fight, Flight, Freeze, Fawn)

These patterns don’t just shape emotions—they ripple into the body, relationships, and daily life. Many people with Complex Trauma continue to navigate the world in survival mode, long after the original trauma has ended. Since C-PTSD affects multiple areas of functioning—emotional regulation, cognition, relationships, and behavior—people often experience symptoms that overlap with other mental health conditions, such as depression, anxiety disorders, ADHD-like symptoms, dissociation, substance use, and/or eating disorders. They may not meet the full criteria for these individual diagnoses but still exhibit aspects of them as a direct result of trauma. In the U.S., clinicians may note co-occurring diagnoses because C-PTSD itself is not officially recognized in the DSM-5. Recognizing these overlapping patterns helps capture the full impact of trauma and guide effective treatment.

For example, an individual with Complex Trauma might experience OCD-like symptoms such as intrusive thoughts or rumination, ADHD-like symptoms like distractibility, difficulty focusing, or impulsivity, eating-related issues such as emotional eating, and mood or anxiety symptoms including persistent worry, panic, low mood, or irritability. In some cases, these experiences may not meet the full criteria for separate diagnoses, reflecting trauma-related patterns rather than distinct disorders. In other cases, an individual may meet the full criteria for one or more co-occurring conditions, meaning that the trauma has contributed to clinically significant impairments that warrant a formal diagnosis and targeted treatment.

Man sitting in therapy across from a female therapist. In-person therapy and online therapy in NY can help to heal from C-PTSD.

What are the most common co-occurring disorders with C-PTSD?

Mood Disorders

Depression and persistent low mood are very common, as trauma erodes self-worth and hope. Emotional ups and downs may resemble bipolar traits, though often tied more to trauma reactivity than a mood disorder itself.

Anxiety and OCD

Chronic worry, panic attacks, or obsessive thinking can grow out of trauma. Some survivors develop compulsive behaviors (like checking or rituals) as attempts to create a sense of safety or control.

ADHD-Like Symptoms

Trauma can affect attention, memory, and impulse control, leading to distractibility or difficulties with focus that may look like ADHD.

Body-Focused Repetitive Behaviors (BFRBs)

Hair pulling, skin picking, or nail biting may develop as tension-release or self-soothing strategies.

Dissociative Symptoms

Many people with C-PTSD experience spacing out, feeling detached from their body, or memory gaps. In severe cases, this can overlap with dissociative disorders.

Substance Use Disorders

Alcohol or drugs may be used to numb pain, reduce hyperarousal, or escape intrusive memories

Eating Disorders

Restrictive eating, bingeing, or purging can emerge from shame, trauma-related body image issues, or attempts to regain a sense of control over the body.

Moving Forward: Healing from Complex Trauma

Healing from Complex Trauma is possible, though it often takes time and support. Effective treatment usually involves a combination of approaches that address emotional regulation, trauma processing, and rebuilding trust and safety:

Therapy for C-PTSD

Treatment for Complex Trauma often involves a combination of approaches. Behavioral therapies focus on managing symptoms, building coping skills, and regulating emotions. Insight-oriented or psychodynamic therapies explore childhood experiences, relational patterns, and the underlying causes of trauma. Body-based therapies help process trauma stored in physical sensations, while psychoeducation provides understanding of how trauma affects the mind and body.

Medication for C-PTSD

May be used to manage symptoms such as depression, anxiety, or sleep difficulties, under the guidance of a psychiatrist.

Support Groups for C-PTSD

Peer support can reduce isolation and provide validation for experiences. You can search for local C-PTSD

If you or someone you know is living with trauma, reaching out to a licensed mental health professional can be an important first step toward recovery and regaining a sense of safety and self.

Woman laying on couch speaking to therapist sitting in chair. In person and online therapy in NY can help you to heal from C-PTSD. Call Healing & Growth Counseling today to schedule your first appointment today.

What are some resources to help with C-PTSD?

Books that Address C-PTSD

The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel van der Kolk
Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving by Pete Walker
Healing from Hidden Abuse by Shannon Thomas

Organizations & Websites Focused on C-PTSD

International Society for Traumatic Stress Studies (ISTSS): https://istss.org – Research, professional resources, and educational materials.
CPTSD Foundation: https://cptsdfoundation.org – Peer-led support groups, education, and community for C-PTSD survivors.
Complex Trauma Resources: https://www.complextrauma.org – Curated collection of books, videos, and educational materials for survivors and caregivers.

About the Author

Talia Bina, MSEd, MPhil, MHC-LP, is a clinician at Healing & Growth Counseling, providing in-person counseling services in Massapequa Park. Working with clients with complex trauma is a specialty focus area in her practice. Her understanding of the complexities that occur for people who have struggled with complex trauma histories helps her to provide individualized treatment to those that she works with. She takes the opportunity to link clients with resources, such as those listed above, to help support the work being done in therapy.

Interested in learning more about Talia? See her Bio Page here.

Interested in scheduling an appointment with Talia? Complete our Contact Form here.

When the Nest Feels Empty: Coping with Your Children Leaving Home

9/15/2025

When the Next Feels Empty: Coping with Your Children Leaving Home

by Cindy Zabinski, LMHC, LCMHC, CRC, ACS

The process of becoming a mother and parent involves many identity shifts. Time that was once spent enjoying hobbies and spending time with friends may shift to spending time with family and caring for children. Over the years as young children grow, the role of parents and mothers may shift slightly, from changing diapers to driving kids to soccer practice to making sure they finished their homework, however a lot of time is still spent in the role of parent.

Then, one day, as the children are old enough to establish further independence, they choose to go away to college or to enter the workforce. They may choose to move into an apartment, college dorm, or house. This can feel like an abrupt change, going from having your child home with you to having them live somewhere else. An experience known as empty nest syndrome can leave parents, especially mothers, struggling with difficult emotions and thoughts. In this article we will explore some of the signs, symptoms, and ways to help you through this period.

Empty nest in tree. Transitioning from having your kids at home to them leaving your nest can be extremely difficult. Reach out to Healing & Growth Counseling for both in person and online counseling in NY to help cope with this process.

Is it normal to have an emotional response to my children leaving home?

The quick answer to this question is: Yes! It is normal to have many different emotions when a child leaves home, whether for college, work, or independence. This process triggers a major shift in a family's dynamics. Feelings may include: guilt, loneliness, grief, anxiety, worry, confusion, and more. Let's explore some of the common feelings shared by mothers here:

Empty Nester Guilt

As your child moves forward into new chapters of life, they may share with you the ups, the downs, and the challenges that they experience. You may find yourself feeling guilty for not being there with them to overcome the challenges. You may review your parenting methods over the years with a magnifying glass, overanalyzing and criticizing decisions that you made along the way, leading to feelings of regret and guilt.

Empty Nester Loneliness

The more people that you have living in your home, the less likely you are to have time to yourself in your home. Life with children living at home provides many distractions and often keeps you busy. When a child leaves home, this may leave you without distraction and without constant socialization. This could leave you feeling lonely. Even the absence of hearing their music playing from their bedroom, or the TV on in the den, can feel empty.

Empty Nester Grief

When one has children, part of their identity becomes that of a parent. This part of their identity grows and develops as their children age. When a child leaves home, there may be a feeling of loss of this part of you, which can lead to feelings of grief.

Empty Nester Anxiety & Worry

When children leave home, you may find yourself often worrying about them. You may not know as often where they are or what they are doing as you did when they were at home. Brief worry thoughts may come to mind, and this could also worsen and overtake your thoughts throughout the day.

Empty Nester Confusion

In once again thinking of your identity, the change in your role of parent may have you feeling lost or empty. Because the parent part of one's identity often takes up a lot of space in life, it may take some time to reconnect with parts of yourself that had been on the back-burner for many years.

Woman sitting alone on a dock by a lake. When your kids leave home you may feel alone and sad. Reach out to Healing & Growth Counseling for in person and online therapy in NY for help in processing your feelings and to learn ways to cope.

Why am I struggling so much with my children leaving home?

Though all parents can experience difficult feelings related to the empty nest transition, women tend to feel the impact of this more deeply. Several things may contribute to this:

Cultural and Societal Roles

Society continues to place a lot of emphasis on the identity of mother when it comes to women. Though shifts in this have been seen in recent years, mothers continue to bear the greatest expectation of being the primary caretakers of children.

Time spent as caregiver

Especially for those who stay-at-home or work part-time while having children living at home, a large percentage of hours are spent in the role of mother. Driving children to activities, planning meals, assisting with homework, providing emotional support, and assisting with activities of daily living lead to a feeling of loss or emptiness when that is no longer needed to that same extent.

Hormonal changes

For many women, around the time when empty nesting occurs, hormonal changes of perimenopause or menopause are also occurring. Going through these hormonal changes can trigger mood fluctuation and emotional reactions, which can further exacerbate symptoms of empty nesting.

Should I be concerned about my mental health?

The signs and symptoms listed in this article are normal for those going through the empty nesting process. It is ok to feel sad or off-balance for a little while. It is good to be aware of your emotions and feelings, and to notice whether they are intensifying or if you are starting to feel some relief. If symptoms continue to intensify, it could lead to more serious mental health issues, such as depression or anxiety. If you start to notice that your symptoms start to really interfere with your daily life it is important to seek professional support.
Here are some signs and symptoms that may be cause for concern of a more serious mental health issue:

Loss of interest in activities that you used to enjoy
Significant changes in weight and appetite
Difficulty sleeping or excessive sleeping
Feeling worthless or hopeless
Disconnecting from social supports and activities
Thoughts of hurting yourself

Mother touching the graduation cap of her daughter. By processing your feelings and learning to cope through the empty nesting process, you will be able to enjoy all of the wonderful moments to come! Reach out to Healing & Growth Counseling to register for in person and online counseling in NY to enjoy this next chapter in your life.

How do I move forward in this?

Know that everyone's process of healing and growing through the empty nesting process looks different. Here I will share some ideas that may be helpful to your process:

Give yourself permission to feel

Allow yourself to feel. By trying to ignore and avoid feelings they will only build up inside, which could have other negative effects on your mind and body. Here are some ideas that can help you to create some space for your feelings:

Set a timer for 15 minutes each day to let out any feelings that are coming up
Start a journal - Spend some time each day writing about your feelings in it
Meet with a therapist once a week for help with unpacking feelings and processing them

Reconnect with your identity

Consider activities and hobbies that you enjoyed prior to having children. Were there passions that you put on hold due to your role as a mother? Are there things that you had wanted to learn or try but couldn't because of your life being so busy? Now is the time to reconnect with past hobbies and also explore new ones!

Practice reframing your thoughts

It is easy to fall into the negative view that your role as a mother is over once your children leave home. Quite the contrary, actually. Your role as a mother is evolving, shifting into something new. It is likely that your children will continue to reach out to you in different ways as they grow. By reframing thoughts of your role as mother ending to that it is evolving, that may help you to increase hope.

Focus on strengthening other relationships

With the additional time that you have as your children leave home, consider spending more time in relationships that may have been neglected in the past. Connect with your partner, reconnect with friends, and consider making new connections. Connections can also be made related to hobbies that you enjoy, which helps you to continue exploring your identity as it changes.

Consider counseling or support groups

Speaking with a therapist can help you to identify and process difficult and painful feelings that may arise as you are going through the empty nesting transition. You can work with a therapist to identify and work towards goals that help you develop and embrace your changing identity. Support groups can also be beneficial, as they allow you to meet with other women who are experiencing similar struggles and feelings. A support group would allow you to receive support from several people at once, and hear ideas of things that have been helpful to others going through the process.

Remember, empty nest syndrome and struggles are normal and commonly experienced among mothers. You don't have to feel alone in what you are experiencing.

About the Author

Cindy Zabinski, LMHC, LCMHC, CRC, ACS is the founder and owner of Healing & Growth Counseling. Cindy has worked with many women who have gone through the process of empty nesting, and recognizes is as a common cause for difficult emotions and struggles. Cindy hopes that mothers can allow themselves to see this as a valid reason to seek support, whether amongst friends, in a formal support group, or by connecting with a professional therapist.

Interested in therapy services focused on coping with the empty nesting process? Call us at (516) 406-8991 or fill out or Contact Form here.

Interested in further support through the empty nesting process with our Empty Nester Support Group for Women? Check out the group page here and fill out our Group Interest Form here.

Effective Communication: Choose your Priority

7/23/2025

Effective Communication: Choose your Priority

by Cindy Zabinski, LMHC, LCMHC, CRC, ACS

Have you ever been in conversation and been unsure of what to say next? Felt that the conversation flowed well, but you didn't feel that it had the outcome that you had hoped or planned for? I have worked with many clients who have answered "YES!" to one or both of these questions! Clients may still struggle in conversations even after they have learned many healthy communication skills, such as non-verbal skills, "I" statements, and feelings statements.

In working with these individuals, it became apparent that the common concern was not having a clear priority in the conversation. Conversations can become muddled and lack direction if one is not mindful of their priority in having it. Let's explore three possible priorities that conversations can serve:

Woman talking into megaphone. Focusing on your priority in conversations will help you to be heard in the way that you intend. It can also help to reduce anxiety going into conversations. Online therapy in NY can help you to develop these skills and implement them in your daily life.

Getting What I Want

A common focus of conversations is to ask someone for something, or to respond to someone's request of us. Consider some of the following examples:

Asking your spouse to stop and pick up milk on the way home from work.
Asking the babysitter if she can babysit on Friday so that you can attend a hair appointment.
Requesting that your co-worker share their portion of the project with you by Thursday so that you are prepared for your work meeting next Monday.
Letting your mother know that you cannot attend the event at her house because your kids have soccer practice at that time.
Telling your neighbor that you are available to help her with moving some furniture tomorrow.

Man and woman at work smiling and giving a high-five. Healthy communication skills can improve relationships with co-workers, promoting a safe and happy work environment. In person and online therapy in NY can help you to develop the communication skills that will help you to promote this at work.

Building the Relationship

Relationships are important for our mental health. Humans are wired to be interactive and engaged with others. We see positive spikes in neurotransmitters such as dopamine and serotonin (happy chemicals!) when we are connecting with others, promoting positive and enjoyable feelings. For these reasons, our purpose in conversing with others can also be with the priority of building and maintaining our relationship with them. Here are some examples in which this might be the priority:

Talking with your friend about her promotion at work.
Listening to a sibling vent about struggles in her romantic relationship.
Visiting a new mom and helping her with household tasks in the early days of having a newborn.

When we are engaging in conversation with someone with the priority of building and maintaining the relationship, we pay careful attention to the needs of the other person (of course not to the point of sacrificing our own values!). We use active listening, which includes non-verbal skills of nodding and leaning into the conversation. We provide validation and support.

A group of women sitting having coffee and conversing. Using healthy communication skills can help you to build and maintain important friendships that can improve your mental health. In person and online therapy in NY can help you to integrate these skills into your daily life so that you can have thriving relationships.

Building my Self Esteem

Sometimes, putting our self-esteem comes first. Having a voice and exercising that voice can be an important part of building a healthy self-esteem. Here are some examples in which this may be the priority:

Sharing with a new partner your values and beliefs.
Participating in a deep conversation with a friend about your feelings on a particular topic.
Setting a healthy boundary with a co-worker.

Putting it Together: Choose 1!

Now that you are aware of the three main focus areas of conversations, here comes the challenge. Before going into conversations, make a decision: which focus is the priority? This will help you to focus on what is most important as you start the conversation. Along the way, should you start to feel lost or like the conversation is not going as planned, you can reconnect with your priority to help assist in deciding which communication skills to use next.

Let's go through a couple of examples to see this skill in action:

Example 1: Claudia

Claudia is a married mother of two who was invited by her mother to a BBQ at her mother's house this weekend. Claudia had already purchased tickets to a concert on the same day with her family at the local performing arts center, which her children are especially excited about. Before calling her mother back, she considers the priority of her conversation:

Claudia feels that her relationship with her mother is secure and that her mother will be understanding if she declines the invitation. This promotes her to feel that the priority is not to maintain or build the relationship.
Claudia does not feel that her self-esteem is a priority in this situation.
Claudia is aware of her and her family's desire to attend the concert, so getting what she wants is the priority of the conversation.

Claudia then decides to call her mother back and politely decline the invitation using her "I" statements and feelings statements.

Example 2: Jake

Jake is an employee at a new up-and-coming company. He is excited to be on the forefront of this new company, which only has a few employees currently. Jake is trying to plan a vacation with his partner in a few weeks, and is planning to approach his boss to request the time off. In considering his priority in this conversation:

Building the relationship is a priority, as he is new with the company and wants to be a part of it long-term.
Self-esteem is somewhat important, as he wants to stand up for himself, however he does not feel that it is a priority in this situation.
In terms of getting what he wants, he recognizes that he and his partner have flexibility in their timeline of when they take their trip, so he has the ability to compromise.

Considering this, Jake goes into the conversation with his boss being sure to prioritize building the relationship, even if that means that he has to shift the vacation plans.

Hands holding cell phone. You can also adapt healthy communication skills to digital communication. In person and online therapy in NY can help you to implement health communication skills to your digital communication.

What about Digital Communication?

Nowadays, a LOT of communication happens digitally, such as by email, text message, or via social media. Can these skills also be used in these situations? Of course!

As you start your text/email/post, consider your priority. This may impact your wording, use of bold/capital letters/italics, and even your use of emojis or GIFs! Who is your communication directed to? What is your priority? Once you are finished drafting the message, read it back to yourself. If you were in the reader's shoes, would you have the same feeling/thought that you were trying to communicate?

One of the benefits of electronic communication is that you have the opportunity to pause and think about, as well as re-read, your message before sending. This allows additional assistance with using these skills and increased time to pause and consider how you want to communicate between messages. One challenge of electronic communication is that the person reading it is not able to hear your volume or tone, or see your body language and facial expressions, which could lead to understanding your message differently than you intended it. As you re-read the message before sending, consider different ways that it could be interpreted, and if you fear it could be mis-read, consider having the conversation verbally instead.

About the Author

Cindy Zabinski, LMHC, LCMHC, CRC, ACS is the founder and owner of Healing & Growth Counseling. Her extensive experience in both agency work and private practice has led to her noticing trends in concerns that clients bring in to their therapy sessions, including this blog topic about priorities in conversations. She hopes that this blog post can help readers learn an access this knowledge to better help them engage in effective and enjoyable conversations with others.

Interested in learning more about Cindy? Check out her Bio page on our website here.

Struggling with communication in relationships? Check out our Couple Counseling service page here.

Interested in scheduling an initial appointment to work towards your goals? Call us at (516) 406-8991 or fill out our Contact Form here.

Men's Mental Health: Why it Matters and How Therapy Can Help

7/1/2025

Men's Mental Health: Why it Matters and How Therapy Can Help

by Candyce Young, MSEd, MHC-LP

Mental health issues affect everyone—regardless of gender—but men often face unique challenges in how they experience, express, and respond to emotional pain.

For generations, men have been taught that they have to be strong, silent, and show no emotion. “Man up!,” “Don’t cry!,” and “Handle it yourself!” are messages many men hear from a young age. While these cultural norms may seem harmless from the outside, they often encourage men to suppress or bottle up their emotions, avoid vulnerability, and silently endure psychological distress.

Man with head in hands in distress. Men often don't receive the mental health care that they need and deserve. Healing & Growth Counseling provides in person and online therapy in NY for men.

Many wonder if there is a harmful effect? Yes, millions of men are struggling with their mental health in silence. This can lead to depression, anxiety, physical health concerns, and feeling alone in all of it. The impact of following these cultural norms can have devastating impacts on a man's life at home, work, and beyond.

Men’s mental health matters, and therapy can play a critical role in healing, growth, and long-term well-being.

According to global health statistics & the National Institute of Health or (NIH):
-Six million men are affected by depression in the United States
-Men are less likely to seek help for depression, anxiety, or trauma.
-Suicide rates are significantly higher among men than women in most countries.
-Men are more likely to use substances like alcohol or drugs as coping mechanisms.
-Many men struggle with expressing vulnerability due to societal pressure.

Systems in men can also be seen by masking/bottling up emotions where anger, withdrawal, or overworking—leads to burnout, broken relationships, and mental health crises.

Man sitting wearing mask with hand on forehead looking sad. Men's mental health is important and should not be ignored. Healing & Growth Counseling provides men's mental health counseling services, both in person in Massapequa Park and as online therapy in NY!

Men Struggle with Asking for Help

Why don't men reach out for help if they need it? There are several barriers that stop men from accessing mental health support:

Stigma

Seeking therapy is often misinterpreted as a sign of weakness or failure. Based on old-fashioned, outdated cultural norms, they worry that they will be perceived as weak by family, friends, and others.

Cultural Expectations

Traditional gender roles promote emotional restraint and self-reliance. In social history, it has been believed that men are supposed to be "the rock" and be able to take care of themselves and others. They are not supposed to cry or express sadness.

Fear of Vulnerability

Many men are uncomfortable opening up about personal struggles. This can also be related to the fear of being seen as "weak".

Lack of Awareness

Men may not recognize emotional symptoms or understand that therapy could help. They are often quicker to assume that physical symptoms are due to medical issues rather than triggered by emotional concerns.

Man sitting in therapy across from a female therapist. Society continues to break down the stigma related to men's mental health. In-person therapy and online therapy in NY can help men to process feelings, heal from their past, and grow towards the future!

The good news? These barriers can be overcome—starting with open conversations and accessible mental health care.

How Therapy Can Help Men

Therapy isn’t just for “when things get bad.” It’s a proactive tool for improving emotional well-being, strengthening relationships, and gaining clarity about life’s challenges.

Here's how therapy specifically supports men’s mental health:

1. Understanding Emotions

Therapy helps men identify and understand emotions like anger, sadness, and anxiety—without shame. This emotional literacy leads to healthier coping strategies.

2. Developing Healthy Coping Mechanisms

Rather than bottling up stress or turning to unhealthy habits, therapy equips men with practical tools to manage pressure and navigate life’s challenges.

3. Improving Communication

Many men struggle to express what they feel or need. Therapy enhances communication skills, helping improve relationships with partners, friends, and family.

4. Healing from Trauma

Whether it’s childhood wounds, toxic relationships, or loss, therapy creates a safe space to process and heal from trauma.

5. Breaking Generational Patterns

Men who engage in therapy often discover they are repeating unhelpful patterns modeled by previous generations—and therapy offers the tools to break the cycle.

Society continues to break down the stigma related to therapy in general and therapy for men. By focusing on challenging outdated beliefs about men and mental health, less barriers will exist to keep men from engaging in the mental health care that can benefit them in healing from their past and working towards their goals.

Resource: Chatmon B. N. (2020). Males and Mental Health Stigma. American journal ofmen's health, 14(4), 1557988320949322. https://doi.org/10.1177/1557988320949322

About the Author

Candyce Young, MSEd, MHC-LP is a mental health counselor at Healing & Growth Counseling. Candyce is a culturally-informed clinician and takes pride in creating a safe environment for all clients that she works with, including men. She takes specific care in being aware and educated in the topic of men's mental health. She has worked with many people to break down stigma barriers and assist them in processing feelings and achieving their goals.

Interested in learning more about Candyce? Check out her bio here.

Interested in scheduling an appointment with Candyce? Call us at (516) 406-8991 or fill out our Contact Form here.

Understanding PMDD: A Guide for Therapy Clients

4/17/2025

Understanding PMDD: A Guide for Therapy Clients

by Candyce Young, MSEd, MHC-LP

Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder (PMDD) is a severe form of Premenstrual Syndrome (PMS) that affects a significant number of women. Oftentimes causing serious emotional, psychological, and physical symptoms. While PMS can bring irritability and discomfort, PMDD is much more intense, making it difficult for those affected to function in their daily lives.

What is PMDD?

According to the University of Oxford 31 million women around the world experience PMDD. Due to PMDD being a fairly new diagnosis it is estimated that the percentage of women living with PMDD is much higher (University of Oxford, 2024).
PMDD is a mood disorder that typically occurs 7 to 10 days before menstruation starts. The symptoms of PMDD are far more debilitating than PMS and often interfere with work, relationships, and overall quality of life. It’s not just "bad period cramps"—PMDD can bring a combination of emotional, physical, and behavioral symptoms that make it challenging to cope with alone.

Woman in red dress sitting with head on hand looking down and sad. PMDD can be difficult to navigate. Reach out to schedule an appointment for online therapy in NY today!

What are the Symptoms of PMDD?

PMDD symptoms can vary from person to person, but some common signs can be broken down into 5 categories: Mood swings, Depression, Physical symptoms, Cognitive issues, and Changes in behavior. Let's explore each of these categories in more detail:

Severe mood swings

People with PMDD may experience intense irritability, sadness, or anger. These mood changes often feel out of control and may include feelings of hopelessness or extreme anxiety. These mood swings can interfere with important relationships and daily activities.

Depression

Feelings of despair, worthlessness, and low energy are prevalent, with some people experiencing thoughts of self-harm or suicide during their worst episodes. Unfortunately, as PMDD has often been overlooked as a mental health concern, those experiencing depression symptoms may not feel validated and understood by loved ones.

Physical Symptoms

These can include fatigue, insomnia, joint or muscle pain, headaches, and bloating. These symptoms can range from mild to severe, and can lead to the need to take time off of work or keep someone from hobbies, self care, or caring for others.

Cognitive Issues

Concentration and memory problems, also known as “brain fog,” are common and can make daily tasks feel overwhelming. This can interfere with remembering things that need to get done, fulfilling a role at work, or caring for self/others.

Changes in behavior

Overeating, irritability with family members, or withdrawing socially are also common signs of PMDD.

Woman sitting on toilet with head in hand looking down. PMDD can include symptoms such as depression, mood swings, and physical symptoms. Call to schedule an appointment for online therapy in NY today.

What Causes PMDD?

The exact cause of PMDD is still not entirely understood, but it is believed to be linked to hormonal fluctuations that occur during the menstrual cycle. In particular, the hormonal changes related to estrogen and progesterone may affect neurotransmitters in the brain, such as serotonin, which plays a role in mood regulation. Genetics, environmental stressors, and a history of trauma can also contribute to the severity of PMDD.

Can Therapy Help People Experiencing PMDD?

Living with PMDD can be incredibly challenging, but there are ways therapy can help manage symptoms. Here are a few strategies that may be beneficial:

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT)

CBT is one of the most effective types of therapy for managing mood disorders like PMDD. It focuses on identifying negative thought patterns and replacing them with healthier, more balanced thinking. This can help clients develop coping strategies for handling the emotional rollercoaster of PMDD.

Mindfulness & Relaxation Techniques

Stress exacerbates the symptoms of PMDD, and mindfulness practices like meditation, deep breathing exercises, and yoga can help reduce anxiety and enhance emotional well-being.

Lifestyle Adjustments

Therapy can also guide clients through practical lifestyle changes that may alleviate symptoms. This can include diet adjustments, regular physical activity, and establishing a consistent sleep schedule—all of which are shown to improve overall mood and health.

Support Systems

Sometimes, just having a space to talk about the emotional strain of PMDD can be incredibly healing. Support groups and family therapy can help individuals feel understood and supported during their most challenging moments.

Three woman leaning on one another smiling. A support system can help you to find peace and happiness with PMDD. Call to schedule an appointment for online therapy in New York today!

When Should I Seek Help for PMDD?

If you’re experiencing symptoms of PMDD that are interfering with your ability to function, it’s important to talk to a therapist or healthcare provider. You don't have to struggle through these intense feelings alone.
Understanding PMDD and how it uniquely affects you is the first step toward better managing its impact. Therapy provides a supportive space to address not only the emotional challenges of PMDD but also the underlying thoughts, behaviors, and coping strategies that can make all the difference.

If you think PMDD might be affecting your life, don't hesitate to reach out for help. I am here to offer you a safe environment to explore your symptoms and create a plan that works for you.

Woman standing smiling with one hand in air. Therapy can help to decrease and manage symptoms of PMDD. Reach out to schedule an appointment for online therapy in New York today!

University of Oxford. (2024, January 30). New data shows prevalence of Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder. https://www.ox.ac.uk/news/2024-01-30-new-data-shows-prevalence-premenstrual-dysphoric-disorder.

About the Author

Candyce Young, MSEd, MHC-LP is a clinician at Healing & Growth Counseling. As a female clinician she understands the difficulty women face when trying to express what we feel and why. As Candyce works with her clients, she assists them in identifying their feelings, processing them, and gaining confidence in using coping skills to minimize negative self talk and increase self awareness.

Interested in learning more about Candyce? Check out her bio here.

Interested in scheduling an appointment? Call us at (516) 406-8991 or fill out our Contact Form here.

Can Gardening Help your Mental Health?

3/25/2025

Can Gardening Help your Mental Health?

by Cindy Zabinski, LMHC, LCMHC, CRC, ACS

Now that spring is in full swing, gardening may be A) something you are looking forward to, B) something you are dreading but have to do, or C) something that you avoid at all costs. Whether gardening is a hobby or a task, it can be used as a tool to improve your mood and mental health. Research shows that engaging in gardening can decrease stress and anxiety levels significantly. It has also been seen to show a positive impact on decreasing depression. In this blog article we will explore the potential benefits of gardening on your mental health.

Mindfulness

One way that gardening can be helpful to our mental heath is by practicing mindfulness. Mindfulness is the art of being fully in the present moment. The best way to do this is to focus on your 5 senses - sight, smell, hearing, taste, and touch. There are a few ways that one can engage in mindfulness while gardening. By focusing on sight, you can notice the colors of the plant and flowers, the shapes of the petals and leaves, and the life (yes, bugs and worms!) in the soil. Focusing on smell will allow you to enjoy the sweet aroma of the flowers. If you are gardening outside, you can listen to the sounds of life outside, including birds, bugs, or other animals nearby. Taste can be practiced when you have edible options in your garden, such as fruits, vegetables, or edible flowers. Touch allows you to focus on the textures of the soil, roots, and plants. Some may choose to ditch the gardening gloves to more thoroughly appreciate the sense of touch.

Hands in dirt gardening. Improve your mental health with gardening and with online therapy in New York today!

Building a Sense of Mastery

Gardening on a regular basis can also build a sense of mastery, by learning and following through with a plan of caring for your plants. Enjoying the outcome of your hard work and dedication promotes a feeling of accomplishment, which can also improve mood. Should you be growing fruits or vegetables, you can bring the fruit and vegetables that you grow into the kitchen and continue building a sense of mastery by preparing and cooking them. If growing flowers, you can cut and create a bouquet to give as a gift or enjoy as a centerpiece on your table. Flower arrangement can become another area to build a sense of mastery.

Water pouring from watering can onto plants outside. Improve your mental health with gardening and with online therapy in New York! Call Healing & Growth Counseling to schedule an appointment today.

Changing Brain Chemistry

Gardening can also have a positive impact on hormones and the neurotransmitters in your brain. Research shows that engaging in direct contact with dirt when gardening can increase the release of serotonin in the brain. Serotonin is a natural anti-depressant. Harvesting from the garden can increase the release of dopamine by seeing, smelling, and picking the fruit. Dopamine is released into the reward center of the brain, which brings about a feeling of happiness and mild euphoria. This release can also help to build an increased desire and motivation to continue gardening. So, if you think of how it may be difficult to start this process and stay motivated, know that once you harvest your first fruit or cut your first bunch of flowers, you will likely feel more natural motivation to continue!

About the Author

Cindy Zabinski, LMHC, LCMHC, CRC, ACS, is the founder and owner of Healing & Growth Counseling. Cindy enjoys working with clients to implement self-care practices that enhance the work that they are doing in therapy. Gardening is an activity that many of her clients have incorporated into their daily lives, and it is a hobby that Cindy herself enjoys in her time outside of work. She is especially excited to see her peonies bloom this year!

Interested in scheduling an appointment with our practice? Call us at (516) 406-8991 or fill out our Contact Form here.

What is the Butterfly Hug Method?

2/11/2025

What is the Butterfly Hug Method?

by Cindy Zabinski, LMHC, LCMHC, CRC, ACS

What is a butterfly hug and how can it help? You may have heard the butterfly hug mentioned by a therapist or by a friend or family member who has done EMDR therapy. It is an easy and effective tool for managing stress and anxiety. In this blog article we will explore how to do the butterfly hug and how it works as a powerful tool in promoting mental and emotional health.

How to do the Butterfly Hug

To do a Butterfly Hug, first cross your arms over your chest, placing your fingertips gently on your collarbone or upper arms. It is similar to giving yourself a hug, and the criss-cross of your arms creates the look of a butterfly (look in a mirror the first time you do this if you think it would be helpful to see the visual).
Tap your fingers gently on your collarbone or upper arms, alternating between left and right, at a relaxed rhythm (you are not being tested on keeping a beat, so there is no need to be exact!). Focus on slow and deep breaths while you tap. If your attention begins to wander, bring your awareness back to your breath and the feeling of your hands gently tapping.
That's it!

Woman sitting with arms crossed and hands on shoulders. The Butterfly Hug can be a great way to self-soothe. Call us to schedule an appointment for online therapy in New York today!

Why does the Butterfly Hug work?

How is it that such a simple exercise can be so impactful? Let's explore some of the ways in which it works.

Impact on the Nervous System

The Butterfly Hug has a calming impact on the nervous system. As you practice this tool, you may notice an increased feeling of calmness and slowing of racing thoughts and feeling of overwhelm. The parasympathetic nervous system is activated by engaging in the Butterfly Hug, which is the part of the autonomic system that is responsible for promoting relaxation. Nicknamed the "rest and digest" system, it is the system that helps the body to recover from stress and danger. It impacts many bodily systems that you don't often actively think about, such as heart rate, blood pressure, urination, digestion, and sweating, amongst others. We often see these things impacted negatively by stress and anxiety, so by specifically engaging the parasympathetic nervous system we are able to regulate these aspects to either prevent or treat stress and anxiety in our daily lives.

Self-Soothing

The Butterfly Hug helps to self-soothe and ground oneself. This helps with emotional regulation and managing intense feelings. This comes from the way in which the Butterfly Hug brings you back to the present moment. By tapping on your upper arms or collarbones and focusing on this as well as your breath, you are using your senses to bring your attention to the present moment.
Many unwanted mental health symptoms, such as increased worry about the future or feeling like our head is stuck in the past, can be alleviated in the moment by bringing our attention to the present moment. The act of doing this helps to slow racing thoughts and increase our connection the the world around us or our connection with ourself.

Woman standing calmly outside with eyes closed and hand on chest. Use the Butterfly Hug to ground yourself and decrease anxiety. Call us to schedule an appointment for online therapy in NY to decrease anxiety.

When is it Helpful to Use the Butterfly Hug?

The Butterly Hug is great as a standalone tool that is very portable. Consider this - you always have your arms and your breath with you, right? No fancy apps or additional items to carry. It is a great coping skill that can be used when you are feeling stressed, panicked, or anxious. It can be used as a tool when you feel like you are struggling, or one that you implement every so often throughout your day to prevent yourself from becoming overwhelmed. By trying it out in different situations, you can find out when the tool is most effective.
The Butterfly Hug is also used as a tool during EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization & Reprocessing) therapy, as a form of bilateral stimulation. Incorporating this into EMDR therapy assists with keeping a person grounded and present while healing from their past trauma. It also assists with the brain emotionally processing the trauma that is being worked on. (For more information about EMDR, see past blog posts including What is EMDR and How Does it Work? and How to get the Most out of EMDR Therapy.

Butterfly with blue wings. The Butterfly Hug is an effective way to ground yourself and self-soothe. Call us to schedule an appointment for online therapy in NY today to decrease anxiety and live a life more fully in the present moment!

I hope that this blog post provides you with a tool that you can take with you into your life to decrease feelings of stress and anxiety. Of course, it is not a replacement for therapy, so if you find that this tool is not sufficient to keep you grounded and present in your life (amongst other tools you may already have), seek the help of a therapist or mental health clinician that can help.

About the Author

Cindy Zabinski, LMHC, LCMHC, CRC, ACS is the founder and owner of Healing & Growth Counseling. As an EMDR Certified Therapist and EMDRIA Approved Consultant, Cindy primarily focuses on EMDR in her practice with clients. She teaches the Butterfly Hug to almost all clients that she works with as a tool for grounding, self-soothing, and for emotional regulation. For EMDR clients it is a tool that is taught as preparation for EMDR work and often used for bilateral stimulation during EMDR reprocessing. She loves the Butterfly Hug as a tool that can be taken anywhere and utilized to help decrease stress and anxiety, both inside and outside of the therapy room.

Interested in learning more about Cindy and her work? Check out her bio here.

Interested in scheduling an appointment with one of Healing & Growth Counseling's clinicians, to learn tools such as the Butterfly Hug and to learn how to decrease stress and anxiety in your life? Call us at (516) 406-8991 or fill out our Contact Form here.

How Can Cognitive Reframing Help Me?

1/29/2025

How Can Cognitive Reframing Help Me?

by Cindy Zabinski, LMHC, LCMHC, CRC, ACS

Cognitive reframing is a tool that is often used in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) to help people identify and challenge irrational or negative thoughts, in an effort to replace them with more rational and balanced thoughts. Take a moment and think of some of the irrational or negative thoughts that pop into your head throughout your day. Here are some examples of negative thoughts that could benefit from cognitive reframing:

"I'm a failure."
"I'm not good enough."
"I'm going to be alone forever."
"I'm unlovable."
"I can't get through this..."

How does Cognitive Reframing Work?

How is it that a technique like cognitive reframing can positively influence thoughts and feelings, even behaviors? It almost sounds too good to be true, which often leaves people wondering if it could possibly be helpful. Let's explore some of the ways in which cognitive reframing works:

It encourages you to pause

The first benefit of cognitive reframing comes from entering a pause into your thought process. Typically, the maladaptive thoughts that we have that interfere with our daily lives feel like they come rapid fire. By entering a figurative "Stop" sign or "Yield" sign, we slow the thought process to allow for corrective action. Just the act of slowing down for a moment can help to decrease anxiety and prevent further spiraling into negative thoughts about oneself.

It helps you to recognize the thought as irrational

Most of the maladaptive thoughts that we have that interfere with our daily functioning and mood are easily shown to not be based in fact, or are an exaggeration based on the evidence present.
For example, consider the above statement of "I can't get through this.". If you have survived 100% of the days that you have had so far (which is true if you are reading this blog post), then there is zero evidence that you can't get through your present dilemma. Using cognitive reframing helps you bring into your awareness the irrationality of the statement.
Another example from above stated "I am a failure". Perhaps this comes after doing poorly on an exam at school or after finding out that you weren't hired for a job that you interviewed for. While there is some evidence of failure present, it is not enough to substantiate a claim that identifies you as "a failure". There are, most likely, very many successes that you have experienced in your life, so to take one example to overlook all of that would be quite irrational as well.

It creates new neural pathways

Repetition with cognitive reframing is key. I wish I could promise that once you cognitively reframe a statement once, you will never think of the irrational statement again. However, with research building over the years supporting neuroplasticity, or the brain's natural ability to change and adapt throughout one's life, repeating cognitive reframes helps to form new neural pathways so that the new rational statement can prevail.
Have you ever learned something new, and as you did it more and more, it became easier, almost automatic? An example of this might be cooking a new recipe. At first it takes you a long time to make the dish, and you have to refer back to the recipe often to double- and triple-check that you are doing the right step. Eventually, you can make the dish while hardly referring to the recipe. Cognitive reframing works similarly. An irrational thought may come up repeatedly, and at first you may reframe it using a worksheet or referring to a blog post such as this one, however over time you may find yourself able to easily confront it and reframe it. Over the course of time, you may even find that the irrational thought no longer comes up for you at all, and you are able to speak more kindly and realistically to yourself!

Examples of cognitive reframing

Let's share some common examples of cognitive reframing to help you get the hang of it. Let's revisit the common examples listed at the top of this blog article:
1. Irrational thought: "I am a failure."
Reframe thought: "I didn't do well on this test. It is probably from not studying enough. I will start studying for my next test sooner, and hopefully this will help me to bring my grade up."

2. Irrational thought: "I'm not good enough."
Reframe thought: "That person is probably not recognizing my worth, and their 'stuff' might be contributing to that. I know inherently that I am a good enough person."

3. Irrational thought: "I'm going to be alone forever."
Reframe thought: "That loss was very painful for me. I have learned a lot from my experience that will help me know what I want to look for in a future partner or friend."

4. Irrational thought: "I'm unlovable."
Reframe thought: "Even though someone is communicating to me that they don't love me, there is no proof or reason to believe that there is something wrong with me because of that."

5. Irrational thought: "I can't get through this."
Reframe thought: "I have survived 100% of my days. It may not be easy or painless, however I know that I can get through this. Let me focus on 'when I get through this' instead."

How to start using cognitive reframing

Just do it! It starts with becoming more self-aware of the negative irrational thought that is coming up in a situation. I often encourage clients to start a note in their phone or take notes in a notebook/planner. Write in the first column the negative, irrational thought, and then in the second column practice reframing it. By doing this you will start to notice patterns in negative maladaptive thoughts that predominate and interfere with your life. Consider starting with maladaptive thoughts that are less challenging to reframe, and work your way up to the more difficult ones.
It can be helpful to team up with a friend. You can share with them and discuss the reframes you are working on with one another. A friend is often helpful in reframing, as our friends tend to speak more nicely to us than we do to ourselves!
A therapist can also be helpful in incorporating cognitive reframing into your daily life. A therapist can be particularly helpful if you are finding it difficult to reframe. Sometimes our maladaptive thoughts develop due to traumatic experiences which may require more trauma work before the ability to reframe it is possible. It is important to not become hard on yourself if cognitive reframing doesn't come naturally to you. There is most likely a reason that can be uncovered in therapy. Don't hesitate to reach out for help!

About the Author

Cindy Zabinski, LMHC, LCMHC, CRC, ACS is the founder and owner of Healing & Growth Counseling. Cindy's initial training in mental health counseling focused a lot on cognitive behavioral therapy, and therefore she has used tools and interventions such as cognitive reframing a lot with clients over the years. Cindy loves teaching this skill to clients and then seeing the positive impact from practicing it on a daily basis. One of the most rewarding things as a therapist is seeing clients let go of maladaptive irrational thoughts that once held them back from their goals. Cindy has always found that leaps and bounds can be made towards goals once more positive and realistic thoughts are present.

Interested in scheduling an appointment to work on implementing more cognitive reframing into your life? Call us at (516) 406-8991 or fill out our Contact Form here.

The Mental Health Benefits of Expressive Art

1/15/2025

The Mental Health Benefits of Expressive Art

by Cindy Zabinski, LMHC, LCMHC, CRC, ACS

Art event spaces have been growing and gaining popularity over the years. Many years ago plaster painting spaces began, where children would have birthday parties painting statues of unicorns and dinosaurs. Pottery studios opened, where adults would get their hands dirty molding vases and bowls to gift or use at home. Craft studios later became popular, where you can make your own “Welcome” sign to place outside of your front door. And, more recently, studios doing art forms such as spin-art and splatter paint have become popular.

After a recent event in which I did splatter paint with my Healing & Growth family, I began to reflect on the benefit of such artistic outlets. Why have these become popular? Why do we, as a staff, often jump at the opportunity to enjoy these activities? Here are some of my thoughts:

Mindfulness

Going to an art or craft studio allows you to be in the moment and engage in art expression one-mindfully. If you try to do art at home, it can be easy to get distracted by many things, such as the sound of the dryer reminding you that the clothes must be folded, a child interrupting that they want a snack, or the dog barking to be let outside. Going to a studio prevents these distractions from interfering with your artistic process. Even if scheduled for as little as 30 minutes, it gives you an opportunity to take a true break from the day to day routine and mindfully participate in art. Additionally, most art and craft studios encourage you to leave your phone in the car so that it doesn’t get damaged or dirty while you are crafting/painting/building. This has the bonus side effect of preventing further distractions of a text message, email, or phone call. (Note: I understand some people may need to be able to be contacted. It can be helpful to provide your loved one with the phone number of the studio you are going to, so that they can still reach out if there is an emergency.)

Practicing Nonjudgment

The practice of “letting go” and fully mindfully participating in free art expression also comes with the practice of being non-judgmental. For those who follow strict routines, allowing this period of art expression can be powerful to take a break from the structure. It can be easy to be critical of your art, trying to make sure you are doing it “right” or wanting it to look like it could be hung in an art gallery. Participating in these activities with friends can also be helpful in that they can provide positive evaluation and interrupt your critical thinking.

Clinician pouring paint on canvas. Artistic expression can promote healing and growth. Schedule an appointment for online therapy in NY today.

Sensory

These types of art expression often involve using many of your senses. Your sense of sight is involved in seeing the colors and structure of what you are working on. Your smell may be involved as you notice the scent of clay or paint. Hearing may be engaged as you listen to the sound of the tools you are using to create your project. And you are most likely engaging your hands very much in your creation. The recent splatter paint event allowed me to view the neon colors under the blacklights in the room. I was able to dip my hands in paint and paint not only with brushes, but my hands and squirt bottles. I could hear the voices and laughter of my colleagues as we painted.

Social Connection

Participating in free art expressions with others can be beneficial in that it is supportive and connecting. Engaging in conversation with each other, laughing, smiling, and making eye contact helps to release “happy chemicals” in the brain, such as oxytocin and dopamine. Some people may have difficulty letting go of rules and expectations when engaging in art alone, so having others doing so with you can be helpful and encouraging.

With all of these positive benefits, what's stopping you?! Enjoy being an artist ;-)

About the Author

Cindy Zabinski, LMHC, LCMHC, CRC, ACS is the founder and owner of Healing & Growth Counseling. Cindy does not identify as an artist by any means, but enjoys joining with others in free art expression classes when possible to step out of her day-to-day routine and have some fun! She often suggests it to clients as a way to express themselves, connect with others socially, and release emotions. It is amazing to see what you can create when you let go and express yourself!

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