by Talia Bina, MSEd, MPhil, MHC-LP Preventing Teacher Burnout: Steps to Protect Your Energy This School YearThere’s something about the start of a school year that makes your to-do list seem to multiply overnight. New students, new schedules, lesson plans, meetings, emails, paperwork... and somehow, you’re supposed to have the energy to do all of it while also being present and patient with a classroom full of students. And if you’re a teacher who really cares about your students, it can be especially hard to know when you’re doing too much. You want to help. You want to be available. You want your students to know they can count on you. You might even find yourself thinking, “It’s okay, I’ll just stay a little later,” or “I’ll finish this at home.” The problem is when “just this once” slowly becomes every day. Burnout doesn’t necessarily happen because you stop caring. Sometimes, it happens because you care so much that you keep giving without leaving much for yourself. Set Boundaries Before You Need ThemIt’s much easier to set boundaries at the beginning of the school year than after you’re already completely exhausted. Maybe you decide that you won’t answer emails after a certain time. Maybe you don’t stay late every single day. Maybe you give yourself a specific time when you stop grading or planning at home. You don’t have to create a perfectly structured work-life balance. Realistically, there will be days when you stay late or bring something home. The goal is to make those exceptions rather than the rule. Because if you’re constantly telling yourself, “I’ll catch up this weekend,” you may eventually realize that your weekends have become part of your workweek.  You Don't Have To Do EverythingTeachers have a lot on their plates, and it’s easy to get into the habit of thinking, “I’ll just do it myself.” Maybe it’s faster. Maybe you don’t want to ask someone else. Maybe you’re used to being the person who handles everything. But there may be more opportunities to share the load than you realize. If you have a co-teacher or paraprofessional, can you divide some responsibilities instead of automatically taking them all on? Could you ask a colleague to share materials or lesson ideas rather than creating everything from scratch? Even students can take on small classroom responsibilities, like passing out papers, organizing materials, or helping clean up. And sometimes, delegation means asking for help when something goes beyond what you should reasonably be handling on your own. Before automatically taking something else on, ask yourself: “Does this actually need to be done by me? And does it need to be done right now?” Not everything is urgent. Some things can wait. Some things can be shared. And sometimes, something simply doesn’t need to get done. You don’t have to prove that you can handle everything by handling everything yourself. Actually Take Your BreaksYou know that lunch period you’re supposed to have? Actually take it. It’s very easy to spend your lunch answering emails, making copies, grading, or trying to squeeze in “one more thing.” Before you know it, you’re back with your students and you haven’t actually had a break. Eat. Drink some water. Use the bathroom. Step outside. Sit somewhere quiet. Even a few minutes where you’re not answering a question or thinking about the next task can make a difference. Taking a break doesn’t mean you’re less dedicated. It means you’re a human being who needs a break. Create a Transition Out of Teacher ModeSometimes the hardest part of teaching isn’t leaving the building. It’s leaving the job mentally. You might get home and immediately start answering emails. Or you’re eating dinner while thinking about tomorrow’s lesson. Or you’re lying in bed replaying something that happened with a student. Your workday may be technically over, but your brain is still at school. Try creating a small transition between work and home. Maybe you change your clothes, take a walk, listen to music on the drive home, or give yourself a little quiet time before jumping into the rest of your evening. It doesn’t have to be some elaborate self-care routine. You’re just giving yourself a chance to shift gears. You Can Care Without Carrying EverythingThis one can be especially difficult for teachers. You may know that a student is struggling at home. You may be worried about a student who seems withdrawn. You may have a student who needs more support than you’re able to provide on your own. Of course you care. That’s part of why you’re in this profession. But caring about a student doesn’t mean you have to carry their problems home with you. You can listen. You can support them. You can advocate for them. You can connect them with additional resources. But you don’t have to fix everything. There is a difference between caring about someone and feeling responsible for everything they’re going through.  Don't Put Your Life On Hold Until School Calms DownIt’s easy to tell yourself you’ll make time for yourself later. I’ll see my friends when things slow down. I’ll get back to exercising when I have more time. I’ll relax once I catch up. But school may not actually slow down in the way you’re hoping it will. If you keep waiting for everything to be finished before you take care of yourself, you may never get there. Make room for the things that exist outside of being a teacher. Spend time with your family. See your friends. Watch your favorite show. Go for a walk. Read. Sleep. Your life shouldn’t become something you squeeze in around your job. Let Yourself Be a Good-Enough TeacherThere can be a lot of pressure to do everything right. You want your lessons to be engaging. You want your students to feel supported. You want to respond thoughtfully to every parent email. You want your classroom to run smoothly. But some days, things are just going to be messy. A lesson won’t go as planned. A student will test your patience. You’ll forget something. You’ll have a day where you’re counting down the minutes until dismissal. That doesn’t mean you’re a bad teacher. You don’t have to be the most creative, patient, organized, and energetic version of yourself every single day. Sometimes, good enough really is good enough. Burnout Prevention Isn't About Caring LessTaking care of yourself doesn’t mean you’re less committed to your students. You can care deeply and still have boundaries. You can be supportive without being available all the time.
You can take your lunch break, leave work at a reasonable time, say no to something extra, and have a life outside of school. In fact, protecting your own energy can make it easier to continue showing up for your students without feeling completely depleted. You don’t have to stop caring. You just don’t have to burn yourself out to prove that you do. by Fallon Panetta, MS, MHC-LP Comparison and Self-Esteem: Learning to Value Your Own JourneyIt is easy to feel like you are falling behind when you are constantly surrounded by reminders of what everyone else is doing. Social media gives us an ongoing look into other people’s careers, relationships, families, homes, vacations, accomplishments, and personal milestones. Without even realizing it, we can begin comparing where we are in life to where someone else appears to be. Over time, this cycle of comparison can have a significant impact on self esteem. How Social Media Comparison Impacts Mental Health and Self-WorthComparing ourselves to others is something most of us do from time to time. The problem begins when those comparisons start influencing how we see ourselves. When these thoughts become frequent, our self-worth can start to become connected to how we measure up to others. Instead of recognizing our own strengths and accomplishments, we focus on what we believe we are missing. Common self-limiting thoughts triggered by comparison include: Unrealistic Expectations"I should be further along by now." Perfectionistic Pressures"Why does everyone else seem to have it together?" Inadequacy Traps"I'm not doing enough." The reality is that we are often comparing our full lives to only the parts of someone else’s life that we can see. We may see the accomplishment without seeing the years of struggle behind it. We see the happy photo without knowing what is happening outside of the frame.  Overcoming Social Media Comparison and Reclaiming Your Life TimelineOne of the most important things to remember is that there is no universal timeline for life. People reach milestones at different ages and in different ways. Careers change. Relationships develop at different times. Families look different. Financial circumstances vary. Personal growth and healing happen at their own pace. Being on a different path does not mean you are on the wrong one. When we constantly focus on keeping up, we may overlook how much we have already accomplished. We can become so focused on the next milestone that we forget to appreciate where we are right now. How to Stop Comparing Yourself to Others and Build Healthy Self-EsteemHealthy self esteem is not about believing you are better than others. It is about recognizing your own worth without needing someone else’s life to validate it. Here are actionable steps to reframe your mindset and build lasting self-worth: Identify your personal triggersNotice the specific situations, people, or social media accounts that leave you questioning your worth. Shift your internal questionInstead of asking, "Why am I not where they are?" ask, "What do I genuinely want for myself?" Focus on core valuesAlign your daily actions with your own priorities and goals rather than external expectations. Practice self-compassionGive yourself permission to make mistakes, change direction, take breaks, and move at a pace that works for you. Offer yourself the same patience and understanding you would give a loved one.  How Therapy Helps Overcome Comparison and Low Self-EsteemTherapy can provide a supportive space to explore patterns of comparison and understand how they may be affecting your self-esteem. Working with a mental health professional can help you:
You do not have to keep up with anyone else’s timeline. Life is not a race, and your progress does not become less meaningful simply because someone else is moving at a different pace. Do things at your own pace. Your journey is yours, and your pace is still progress. Do things at your own pace. Your journey is yours, and your pace is still progress. by Talia Bina, MSEd, MPhil, MHC-LP When Summer Ends: Adjusting to a Change in RoutineThere’s nothing quite like the start of September to remind you that summer is over. The school-related traffic alone seems to make that pretty clear. For many of us, summer comes with a completely different rhythm. We may stay up later, sleep in, have fewer obligations in the morning, spend more time outside, travel, see family and friends, or simply have more time to do the things we actually enjoy. Then September comes around and suddenly we’re expected to be back on a schedule. And that can be a bigger adjustment than we realize. Why is Getting Back into a Routine So Hard?It’s easy to think, “Okay, summer’s over. Time to get back to normal.” But our bodies and minds don’t necessarily switch back that quickly. Think about sleep. During the summer, you may have gotten used to staying up later and waking up later. Maybe there wasn’t a reason to set an alarm for 6:30 every morning. When school or work starts again, suddenly you’re expected to wake up much earlier and function at a time your body hasn’t been used to for months. Our circadian rhythm, or our body’s internal sleep-wake clock, can shift based on our routines and exposure to light. So getting back to an earlier wake-up time isn’t always as simple as deciding to go to bed earlier one night. It can take some time for your body to adjust. And sleep isn’t the only thing that changes. During the summer, we may have more freedom over how we spend our time. We can take a long lunch, spend an afternoon outside, make plans during the week, travel, visit family, or see friends without worrying as much about tomorrow’s schedule. Then September arrives and suddenly a lot more of our day is dictated by the clock. We go from “What do I feel like doing today?” to “What do I have to do today?” That shift can be hard. It’s not just that we have more things to do. We have less flexibility around when we do them, and often less time to do the things that help us recharge. So if you’re feeling more tired, irritable, overwhelmed, or unmotivated as September gets underway, it may not be because you’re doing anything wrong. You’re adjusting to a different pace, schedule, and set of expectations. The Emotional Side of the TransitionAnother part of this transition is the feeling that we have less control over our time. Anxiety often shows up when we feel uncertain or out of control. During the summer, we may have had more say in how we spent our days. We could decide when to sleep, when to make plans, when to travel, or when to simply do nothing. Once September starts, there are more things that are decided for us. You have to be somewhere at a certain time. You have deadlines. You may have less flexibility to change your plans or take a break when you want one. That loss of control can create anxiety, even when the things filling your schedule are things you actually want or need to do. And sometimes, our response is to try to regain that sense of control by planning everything, over-scheduling ourselves, worrying about what could go wrong, or feeling like we need to have everything figured out. But trying to control every part of a transition can sometimes make the anxiety worse. Instead, ask yourself: “What is actually within my control right now?” Maybe you can’t control your work schedule, your child’s school schedule, traffic, or everything that will happen over the next few months. But you can decide what time you go to bed, what you prioritize, when you take breaks, how you structure the time you do have, and what you say yes or no to. You may not be able to control the transition itself, but you can have some control over how you move through it.  Give Yourself Time to AdjustWe don’t always give ourselves enough time to adjust to a new routine. You can know exactly what your schedule looks like and still not feel completely comfortable with it yet. Your body and mind may need some time to catch up. Try not to immediately interpret that discomfort as a sign that something is wrong. Ask yourself: “Am I struggling because this isn’t working for me, or because I’m still adjusting?” Those are two very different things. Not every uncomfortable transition means you’ve made the wrong choice. Sometimes, it’s just uncomfortable because it’s new. You Don't Have to Get Everything Together at OnceSeptember can also bring this feeling that you need to get your life together. Maybe this is finally the month you’re going to exercise regularly, eat better, get organized, fix your sleep schedule, reconnect with friends, and become the most productive version of yourself. And then you look at that list and wonder why you’re already overwhelmed. Instead of trying to change everything at once, choose one thing to focus on. Think about what is most realistic and what would actually make your day-to-day life easier—not necessarily the goal that is furthest out or sounds the most impressive. If you want to start exercising, what’s the first step? Maybe it’s not committing to five workouts a week. Maybe it’s taking a 15-minute walk twice this week. If you want to improve your sleep, maybe the first step isn’t completely changing your nighttime routine. Maybe it’s moving your bedtime 20 minutes earlier and gradually working from there. You can also try habit stacking, which means attaching a new habit to something you already do consistently. For example, if you want to take your vitamins every morning, keep them next to your toothbrush so you can pair the new habit with something you already do every morning. The goal isn’t to completely overhaul your life overnight. It’s to make one small change, make it part of your routine, and then build from there. Sometimes we get so focused on where we want to end up that we forget to ask, “What’s the first step?” Don't Forget to Leave Room for YourselfOne of the first things to disappear when life gets busy is usually free time. You may start thinking, “I’ll see my friends when things calm down,” “I’ll exercise when I have more time,” or “I’ll relax once everything is done.” The problem is that everything is rarely completely done. During the summer, you may have naturally had more opportunities to do things that helped you recharge. You may have spent time with family, traveled, sat outside, or simply had an afternoon with nowhere to be. You may not have that same amount of free time in September, but that doesn’t mean those things need to disappear completely. Try to intentionally keep some of them in your routine. Maybe it’s getting dinner with a friend, taking a walk after work, watching your favorite show, reading before bed, or simply leaving some time in your evening with nothing planned. Your routine shouldn’t only make room for everything you have to do. It should also make room for the things that help you feel like yourself.  You Don't Have to Find Your Rhythm ImmediatelyGetting back into a routine doesn’t happen overnight.
Your sleep schedule may need time to adjust. Your days may feel busier than they did a few weeks ago. You may need to figure out where your downtime fits now that your schedule is more structured. Give yourself some room to adjust rather than expecting yourself to immediately fall back into a perfect routine. Start with one realistic change. Focus on what you can control. Keep making room for the things that help you recharge. September doesn’t have to mean starting over or suddenly having everything figured out. Sometimes, it’s simply about finding your rhythm again. by Fallon Panetta, MS, MHC-LP Focusing on What You Can ControlLife is full of uncertainty. Whether it is a stressful day at work, conflict in a relationship, unexpected changes, or worrying about the future, it is easy to become consumed by things that feel outside of our control. We may find ourselves replaying conversations, wondering why someone acted a certain way, or trying to predict every possible outcome. While these thoughts are completely normal, they can also leave us feeling overwhelmed, anxious, and emotionally drained. One helpful concept often explored in therapy is the Circle of Control. This simple tool encourages us to recognize the difference between what we can control and what we cannot. Although it may sound straightforward, this shift in perspective can have a meaningful impact on how we approach life's challenges. What is the Circle of Control?The Circle of Control helps us identify where our time and energy are going. There are many things we cannot control, including:
These situations can understandably bring up feelings of frustration, disappointment, sadness, or anxiety. However, spending all of our energy trying to change them often leaves us feeling stuck. Instead, the Circle of Control reminds us to focus on the things that are within our influence. These include:
While these may seem like small things, they are often where meaningful change begins. Why is it so Hard?Our brains are naturally wired to look for solutions. When something feels uncertain or painful, our mind often tries to solve the problem by replaying conversations, imagining different outcomes, or wondering what we could have done differently. While this response is meant to protect us, it can sometimes keep us focused on situations we have little or no control over. The more attention we give to these thoughts, the easier it becomes to feel emotionally exhausted. We may find ourselves stuck in cycles of worry, frustration, or self-doubt without moving any closer to a solution. Recognizing when this is happening gives us an opportunity to gently redirect our attention toward the things we can influence.  Why Does This Matter?When we focus primarily on what we cannot control, it is easy to feel powerless. We may spend hours worrying about situations that never happen or wishing someone else would change. Shifting our attention to what we can control does not mean ignoring difficult emotions or pretending everything is okay. It simply means choosing to invest our energy where it can have the greatest impact. For example, imagine you have a disagreement with a friend. You cannot control how they interpret the conversation or whether they decide to respond. You can control how you communicate, whether you choose to listen with empathy, and how you care for yourself while the situation unfolds. Or perhaps you are waiting to hear back after a job interview. You cannot control the hiring decision, but you can control how you spend your time while you wait, whether you continue applying for other opportunities, and how you speak to yourself during the process. These small shifts in thinking can help reduce feelings of overwhelm and increase a sense of confidence and resilience. Putting it Into PracticeThe next time you find yourself feeling overwhelmed, pause and ask yourself a few simple questions:
Even if the answer is something simple, such as taking a walk, setting a boundary, asking for support, or choosing not to engage in an argument, those actions are still meaningful. Small choices often build confidence over time. A Gentle ReminderLife will always include uncertainty, disappointment, and situations we wish we could change. The goal is not to eliminate those experiences. Instead, it is to recognize where your energy is most valuable.
The Circle of Control is not about dismissing your feelings or minimizing difficult situations. It is about creating space to focus on the actions, choices, and responses that are within your reach. Over time, practicing this perspective can help you feel more grounded, intentional, and empowered, even during life's most challenging moments. Sometimes, the most meaningful changes begin not by changing everything around us, but by recognizing what has been within our control all along. by Fallon Panetta, MS, MHC-LP When Decisions Feel Hard: Understanding Anxiety and Second-GuessingWe make decisions every day. Some are small, like what to eat for dinner or what to wear. Others involve relationships, careers, finances, family, or major life changes. While it is normal to spend more time thinking about important choices, for some people, decision-making can quickly become overwhelming. You may find yourself going back and forth between options, asking others what they think, researching endlessly, or finally making a choice only to immediately question whether you made the right one. When this happens frequently, anxiety may be playing a role. Why Can Decisions Feel So Overwhelming?Anxiety often wants certainty. Before making a decision, you may want reassurance that you are choosing the "right" option and that everything will work out the way you hope. Unfortunately, most decisions don't come with that kind of guarantee. This uncertainty can lead to thoughts such as: "What if I make the wrong choice?" "What if I regret this later?" "What if something goes wrong?" "What if the other option would have been better?" The more you try to answer every "what if," the more possibilities your mind can create. Instead of feeling more confident, you may end up feeling even less certain than when you started. The Pressure to Make the "Perfect" ChoicePerfectionism can also make decision-making difficult. When you believe there is one perfect choice, making a decision can feel like a test you can't afford to get wrong. But many decisions aren't simply right or wrong. Two choices may both have benefits and drawbacks. Sometimes we make the best decision we can with the information we have and adjust along the way. Try replacing "What is the perfect decision?" with: "What choice makes the most sense based on what I know right now?" This small shift can reduce some of the pressure to predict the future.  When Thinking Turns Into OverthinkingTaking time to consider your options can be helpful. Overthinking is different. You may notice that you're repeatedly reviewing the same information without gaining any new insight. Perhaps you've already made a decision but continue searching for reassurance that it was the correct one. At that point, more thinking may not create more clarity. It may simply give anxiety more opportunities to introduce doubt. When you notice yourself caught in this cycle, ask yourself: "Do I need more information, or am I looking for certainty?" If you already have enough information to make a reasonable choice, it may be time to allow yourself to move forward. Learning to Tolerate UncertaintyOne of the hardest parts of decision-making is accepting that you cannot know exactly what will happen next. You can carefully consider a decision and still experience an unexpected outcome. You can also make a choice that doesn't work out exactly as planned without that choice being a failure. Learning to tolerate uncertainty means allowing some unanswered questions to exist without feeling that you must solve them before moving forward. It might sound like: "I don't know exactly how this will turn out, but I can handle the next step." That is very different from needing to convince yourself that everything will work out perfectly. Building Trust in YourselfConfidence in decision-making doesn't necessarily come from making the right choice every time. It develops when you begin trusting yourself to respond to whatever happens afterward. You can change direction. You can problem-solve. You can ask for support. You can learn from an experience. You can make a different choice next time. Self-trust grows when you recognize that one decision does not determine everything that comes afterward.  Moving Forward Without Perfect CertaintyIf anxiety and second-guessing regularly make it difficult to make decisions, therapy can help you identify the thoughts and fears keeping you stuck. Counseling can also help you work on perfectionism, increase your tolerance for uncertainty, and build greater confidence in your own judgment.
The next time you find yourself searching for the perfect answer, consider asking: "Do I have enough information to make the best decision I can right now?" You may not be able to guarantee the outcome, but you can learn to trust yourself to navigate what comes next.  How to Know if Your Adolescent or Teen Might Benefit from Therapyby Talia Bina, MSEd, MPhil, MHC-LPMany parents find themselves wondering whether their child’s struggles are something they should be concerned about or simply a normal part of growing up. They may notice changes in their child’s mood, behavior, or relationships and find themselves asking, “Is this just a phase?” or “Should I be doing something more?” Adolescents and teens naturally go through periods of emotional ups and downs. They are learning how to manage feelings, navigate relationships, develop independence, and cope with new experiences. However, when emotional struggles begin to feel overwhelming, continue over time, or start interfering with daily life, therapy can provide valuable support. Therapy is not only for children who are experiencing a crisis. It can give children and teens a space to better understand themselves, process difficult experiences, learn coping skills, and have a trusted person outside of their immediate family to talk with. Recognizing When Your Child May Need Extra SupportAdolescents and teens do not always have the words to explain when something feels wrong. Often, emotional struggles show up through changes in behavior. You may notice your child becoming more withdrawn, losing interest in activities they once enjoyed, struggling with motivation, or seeming more irritable or emotionally reactive than usual. Some children may appear sad or anxious, while others may express their distress through anger, frustration, or shutting down. Changes in sleep, appetite, school performance, friendships, or daily routines can also be signs that your child may be having a harder time than they are able to manage on their own. It can also be helpful to consider what your child has been experiencing. Major life changes, grief, divorce, bullying, friendship difficulties, academic pressure, trauma, or ongoing family stress can all impact a child’s emotional well-being. Sometimes, a child’s behavior is their way of communicating that something feels difficult. They may not say, “I need help,” but their actions may be showing that they are struggling. How to Start the Conversation about TherapyFor some adolescents and teens, the idea of therapy can feel uncomfortable. They may worry that going to therapy means something is wrong with them, that they will be judged, or that their parents are sending them because they are “the problem.” The way parents introduce therapy can shape how their child understands support. Instead of approaching therapy as something they need because they are “struggling,” “acting out,” or because something is wrong with them, parents can frame it as a resource that helps people understand their feelings, work through challenges, and learn new ways to cope. The conversation should also be adjusted based on your child’s age and developmental level. Younger ChildrenYounger children often respond best to simple, concrete explanations. You might say, “A therapist is someone who helps kids understand big feelings and learn ways to handle them. Just like we go to a doctor when our body needs help, we can talk to someone when our feelings feel too big.” Older Children & TeensFor older children and teens, it can be helpful to focus more on support, independence, and having a space that belongs to them. A teenager may respond better to something like, “You don’t have to handle everything on your own. Therapy is a place where you can talk about things that feel difficult with someone whose job is to listen and support you.”  It can also help to avoid making therapy feel like a consequence or something that is being done to them. Statements like, “You need therapy because you are not listening,” or “You need help because your behavior is a problem,” can create shame and make a child less open to the process. Instead, try approaching the conversation with curiosity rather than pressure. Ask what they think about the idea, listen to their concerns, and give them space to adjust. Especially with teens, feeling like they have some choice and control can make it easier for them to feel comfortable engaging in therapy. The goal is not to convince your child that they are “broken” or that they need to be fixed. The goal is to help them understand that support is available when things feel difficult. What If My Child Does Not Want Therapy?It is common for adolescents and teens to feel hesitant at first. A child who does not want therapy is not necessarily refusing help; they may simply feel unsure about talking to someone new or may not understand what therapy is actually like. Rather than trying to convince them that something is wrong, focus on letting them know that therapy is a form of support. You might say, “I’m not suggesting therapy because I think something is wrong with you. I want you to have someone who can help you work through things and understand yourself better.” It can also be reassuring to remind them that they do not have to share everything right away. Building trust with a therapist takes time, and the first few sessions are often about getting comfortable and learning what feels helpful. How Parents Can Support Their Child Through TherapyParents play an important role in creating an environment where their child feels comfortable talking about emotions. This does not mean having the perfect conversation every time or knowing exactly what to say. Often, it is the consistent moments of connection that matter most. Checking in with your child, showing interest in their world, and making space for conversations without immediately trying to fix the problem can help build trust. Instead of asking, “What did you talk about in therapy?” which may feel intrusive, you might ask, “How was it being there?” or “Did anything feel helpful today?” Respecting your child’s privacy while still staying involved sends the message that therapy is their space, but they are not navigating things alone. Finding the Right SupportStarting therapy can feel overwhelming for parents who are unsure where to begin. You might start by talking with your child’s pediatrician, school counselor, insurance provider, or reaching out to a therapist who works with children and adolescents. Finding the right therapist can take time. The relationship between a child and therapist is an important part of the process, and sometimes the first person they meet may not be the right fit. A good therapist should help your child feel understood, supported, and comfortable being themselves.  Supporting Your Child Beyond TherapyOne of the most meaningful things parents can do is create a relationship where their child knows they can bring difficult emotions to them.
This means continuing to be curious about their experience, noticing changes without immediately assuming the worst, and making room for conversations even when they are uncomfortable. Your child may not always know how to ask for help, but knowing that you are willing to listen, understand, and support them can make it easier for them to reach out when they need it.  Back-to-School Anxiety: When Time Management Starts to Feel Overwhelmingby Talia Bina, MSEd, MPhil, MHC-LPThe start of a new school year can be exciting, but it can also bring that immediate feeling of, “Wait, how am I supposed to fit all of this into my life?” Classes, assignments, studying, extracurriculars, friends, family, work, and somehow finding time to sleep. After a summer with a little more flexibility, suddenly every hour of the day feels spoken for. And sometimes, it isn’t even the amount of work that’s overwhelming. It’s the feeling that there isn't enough time to do everything. When Everything Feels UrgentAnxiety has a way of making everything feel like it needs your attention right now. You might sit down to work on one assignment and immediately start thinking about the three other things you need to finish. Suddenly, you’re checking your schedule, rewriting your to-do list, looking at deadlines, and thinking about everything you should be doing instead of actually doing the thing in front of you. You might even feel guilty when you’re not being productive. You’re watching TV or talking to a friend, but part of your brain is saying, “You should be doing something right now.” That constant feeling of being behind can be exhausting. Why Do We Procrastinate?Procrastination isn’t always about being lazy or not caring. A lot of the time, it’s about avoiding a feeling. Think about what happens when you have something you really don’t want to do. Maybe you’re bored. Maybe you’re worried you won’t do it well. Maybe you’re frustrated, tired, overwhelmed, or afraid of failing. Putting it off gives you a little relief. For the moment, you don’t have to deal with the assignment or the anxiety that comes with it. Of course, the assignment is still there tomorrow. Now the deadline is closer, and you have even more pressure. Sometimes there are also beliefs underneath procrastination that make it harder to get started: “I have to do this perfectly.” “I can’t work unless I’m motivated.” “I’m too tired to do this right now.” “If I don’t know exactly how to do it, there’s no point in starting.” These thoughts can feel completely true in the moment, but they can keep you stuck. You Don't Have to Feel ReadyOne of the biggest traps with procrastination is waiting for the perfect time to begin. Maybe you’ll start after you get some sleep. Or after you finish everything else on your list. Or once you’re more motivated. Or when you have a completely free afternoon. But if you wait until you’re perfectly rested, completely motivated, free of distractions, and 100% confident, you might be waiting for a very long time. Sometimes, action comes before motivation. You don’t have to feel like doing something before you start. Try giving yourself five or ten minutes. Open the assignment. Read the first page. Write the first sentence. Figure out what the task actually requires. Sometimes taking that first small step makes the next one feel much easier.  You Don't Have to Plan Every MinuteWhen you’re anxious about time, it can be tempting to create the perfect schedule. Every hour gets assigned a task, and you expect yourself to follow it exactly. But life doesn’t work that way. An assignment takes longer than expected. You get tired. Something unexpected comes up. You have a bad day. If your schedule has no room for any of that, falling behind can feel like you’ve failed. Instead, think of your schedule as a guide, not a test. Give yourself some structure while leaving room for things to change. Focus on What's Actually in Front of YouWhen you have ten things to do, thinking about all ten at once usually doesn’t make any of them easier. Try asking yourself: "What actually needs my attention right now?" Maybe it’s reading one chapter. Maybe it’s responding to an email. Maybe it’s simply opening the assignment and figuring out where to start. You don’t have to solve the entire week right now. You just need to figure out what comes next. Breaking something big into smaller pieces can also make it feel much less overwhelming. Instead of “I need to study for my exam,” try “I’m going to review these two sections for 30 minutes.” You may not feel motivated to study for three hours, but you might be able to start for 30 minutes. Not Everything Has to Happen TodayAnxiety can make it difficult to tell the difference between something you need to do and something you simply want to get done. Try asking yourself, “Does this actually need to happen today?” Some things do. Some can wait. And some would simply be nice to get done if you have the time. There’s a big difference between “I should finish this today” and “This is actually due today.” Learning to prioritize can take some of the pressure off.  Rest Still CountsWhen you’re overwhelmed, rest is often the first thing to go. You might think, “I’ll relax after I finish everything.” But what happens when everything is never finished? Sleep, meals, time with friends, and doing things you enjoy aren’t rewards you have to earn by being productive enough. They’re part of taking care of yourself. If your schedule has no room for rest, it probably isn’t a schedule you can realistically maintain. Give Yourself Time to AdjustYou don’t have to have the perfect routine figured out during the first week of school. Try something. See what works. Change it when it doesn’t.
Maybe you study better in the afternoon. Maybe you need more time between activities. Maybe you realize you need one evening each week without schoolwork. That’s okay. Time management isn’t about squeezing as much productivity as possible out of every hour. It’s about creating enough structure to help you feel organized without making you feel like you're constantly racing the clock. And when that familiar feeling of “I have too much to do and not enough time” starts creeping in, pause and ask yourself: "What is the next thing I need to do-- not everything I need to do?" You don’t have to feel motivated, confident, or completely ready to take the first step. Sometimes, taking the first step is what helps you realize you can keep going. by Fallon Panetta, MS, MHC-LP Understanding Grief: There is No Right Way to Navigate LossNational Grief Awareness Day provides an opportunity to recognize the many ways grief can impact our lives and to remind those experiencing loss that they do not have to navigate it alone. Grief is a natural response to loss, but that does not mean it is easy. It can affect our emotions, thoughts, relationships, routines, and even our physical well-being. While grief is often associated with the death of someone we love, there are many experiences that can lead to feelings of grief. We may grieve the end of a relationship, the loss of a friendship, changes in our health, the loss of a job, a move, changes within our family, or a major life transition. Sometimes we even grieve the future we expected to have when life takes an unexpected direction. Whatever the cause, grief is personal, and there is no single way that it is supposed to look. Grief Doesn't Follow a TimelineOne of the most important things to understand about grief is that healing is not linear. There may be days when you feel like you are beginning to move forward, followed by a day when the sadness suddenly feels overwhelming again. Certain dates, places, songs, memories, or experiences may bring emotions back unexpectedly. This does not mean that you have lost your progress. Grief can include many different emotions, such as:
There may also be moments of happiness, laughter, or connection while you are grieving. Experiencing those moments does not mean that your loss matters any less. Giving yourself permission to experience emotions as they come, rather than judging how you "should" be feeling, can be an important part of the grieving process.  Supporting Yourself Through GriefWhen experiencing grief, it can be tempting to put pressure on yourself to return to normal as quickly as possible. Instead, try to recognize that grief requires patience and self-compassion. Taking care of yourself during this time might mean allowing yourself to rest, maintaining basic routines, spending time with supportive people, journaling, getting outside, or finding meaningful ways to remember what you have lost. It can also help to communicate your needs. Some days you may want company and conversation. Other days you may need more space. Both are okay. Most importantly, you do not have to compare your grief to anyone else's. Two people can experience the same loss and respond in completely different ways. Why Grief Feels OverwhelmingAlthough grief is a natural process, there are times when additional support can be helpful. You may find that your emotions feel difficult to manage, that you are struggling to complete everyday responsibilities, or that grief is affecting your relationships, sleep, work, or overall well-being. Therapy can provide a supportive and nonjudgmental space to talk openly about your loss. Counseling is not about forgetting what happened or forcing yourself to "move on." Instead, it can help you understand your emotions, develop healthy coping strategies, adjust to changes, and find ways to continue moving forward while honoring what you have experienced.  You Don't Have to Grieve AloneNational Grief Awareness Day is a reminder to approach grief with compassion, both for ourselves and for the people around us. If someone you care about is grieving, you do not need to have the perfect words. Sometimes simply listening, checking in, offering practical support, or reminding someone that you are there can make a meaningful difference. And if you are the one grieving, remember that asking for support is okay. There is no deadline for healing and no perfect way to navigate loss. Give yourself permission to take things one day at a time, honor your feelings, and reach for support when you need it. Grief is personal. Healing takes time. And you do not have to go through it alone.
by Fallon Panetta, MS, MHC-LP Learning to be Kinder to Yourself: The Importance of Self-CompassionWe often find it easier to offer kindness, patience, and understanding to the people around us than to ourselves. When a friend makes a mistake, we might remind them that everyone makes mistakes. When someone we care about is overwhelmed, we encourage them to take a break. Yet when we find ourselves in those same situations, our response can be very different. I should have done better. Why can't I get this right? Everyone else seems to handle this better than I do. I shouldn't feel this way. Over time, this type of self-criticism can affect our confidence, emotional well-being, and the way we approach challenges. Learning to practice self-compassion can help us develop a healthier relationship with ourselves. What is Self-Compassion?Self-compassion means responding to yourself with understanding and kindness, particularly during difficult moments. It doesn't mean ignoring mistakes, avoiding responsibility, or telling yourself that everything you do is okay. Instead, self-compassion allows you to acknowledge that something is difficult without immediately criticizing yourself for struggling with it. You can recognize that you made a mistake while also reminding yourself that mistakes are part of being human. You can want to improve something about yourself without believing that you aren't good enough as you are. There is an important difference between: "I made a mistake." and "I am a failure." Self-compassion helps us separate what happened from how we view ourselves.  Why are we so Hard on Ourselves?For some people, self-criticism develops slowly over time. High expectations, comparison to others, past criticism, perfectionism, family expectations, or fear of disappointing others can all contribute. Sometimes being hard on ourselves even feels productive. We may believe that criticizing ourselves will keep us motivated or prevent us from making mistakes. But constantly focusing on what went wrong can have the opposite effect. Instead of feeling motivated, we may begin to feel discouraged, anxious, overwhelmed, or afraid to try. The goal isn't to stop caring about improvement. It's learning how to pursue growth without tearing yourself down in the process. What Does Self-Compassion Look Like?Practicing self-compassion doesn't require completely changing the way you think overnight. It often begins with noticing how you speak to yourself. When you recognize self-critical thoughts, try asking:
For example, instead of thinking, “I completely messed that up,” you might try, “That didn't go the way I hoped. What can I learn from it?” Instead of “I should be able to handle everything,” try, “I have a lot going on right now, and it's understandable that I feel overwhelmed.” These small shifts don't remove accountability. They simply allow room for understanding alongside it. Self-Compassion During Difficult SeasonsSelf-compassion can be especially important during periods of stress, change, loss, relationship difficulties, parenting challenges, work pressure, or uncertainty. During these times, we may compare ourselves to how we think we should be coping rather than acknowledging what we're actually experiencing. You don't have to handle every situation perfectly. Some days you may be productive and motivated. Other days you may need to slow down. There may be times when you make a decision you wish you had handled differently. Growth includes all of these moments.  Creating a Healthier Inner DialogueChanging years of self-critical thinking takes practice. The goal isn't to replace every negative thought with a positive one. Instead, try developing a voice that is more realistic, balanced, and supportive. Therapy can help you explore where self-critical patterns come from, recognize unrealistic expectations, challenge negative beliefs, and develop healthier ways of responding to yourself. The next time you notice yourself being especially hard on yourself, pause for a moment. Ask yourself what you would say to someone you care about if they were experiencing the same thing. Then consider offering some of that same understanding to yourself. You can want to grow, make changes, and hold yourself accountable while still treating yourself with compassion along the way. 💚
by Talia Bina, MSEd, MPhil, MHC-LP Childhood Emotional Neglect: The Trauma That Often Goes UnnoticedWhen people think about childhood trauma, they often picture the experiences that are easier to identify: physical abuse, violence, major conflict, or the loss of someone important. These experiences can have a profound impact, but trauma is not limited to the things that happen to us. Sometimes, trauma can also come from the things we needed but did not consistently receive. What about the child who was provided for physically but did not feel emotionally seen? The child who had food, clothes, and a safe place to live, but learned that their feelings were too much, their needs were inconvenient, or their emotions had to be handled alone? This is the experience of childhood emotional neglect. Unlike experiences that leave obvious evidence, emotional neglect can be much harder to recognize. There may not be one specific moment someone can point to and say, “That was the moment everything changed.” Instead, it is often the repeated experience of something missing. But the absence of something can still have an impact. Research on childhood emotional neglect has shown that when children consistently lack emotional support, validation, and responsiveness from caregivers, it can affect emotional regulation, relationships, self-esteem, stress responses, and mental health later in life. The challenge is that many people struggle to identify emotional neglect because nothing “obvious” happened. They may think, “My parents loved me,” or “I had everything I needed,” and those things may be true. But children need more than physical care. They also need to feel understood, comforted, supported, and emotionally safe. What Does Childhood Emotional Neglect Look Like?What makes emotional neglect difficult to identify is that it often exists alongside love and care. A parent can provide for a child, show up for important moments, and still struggle to provide the emotional support that helps a child feel understood and secure. A child experiencing emotional neglect may have their basic needs met while still feeling emotionally alone. It may look like a child being told to “stop crying,” “calm down,” or feeling like their emotions are an overreaction rather than something that deserves support. Sometimes, it looks quieter: a child who stops sharing their feelings because they do not want to be a burden, create conflict, or add stress to the people around them. It can also happen in families where achievement, independence, or being “well behaved” is highly valued, but emotions are rarely discussed. A child may learn that being successful, helpful, or easy to manage gets them positive attention, while expressing sadness, anger, fear, or needing comfort feels uncomfortable. Sometimes, this child becomes known as the “easy child”, the one who does not ask for much, handles things on their own, and rarely causes problems. While this may look like independence from the outside, it can also be a sign that a child learned their needs were better kept to themselves. Over time, they may begin to believe that needing support is a weakness or that their emotions are something they have to manage alone.  How Does Emotional Neglect Show Up In Adulthood?Many adults who experienced emotional neglect struggle to identify what they need because they spent years learning to focus on everyone else. They may be very independent, but that independence can sometimes come from the belief that relying on others is unsafe or disappointing. They may struggle to ask for help, receive care, or recognize their own emotions because they learned that other people’s needs mattered more. Some people become perfectionists or people pleasers because being “good,” successful, or easy to be around felt like a way to earn acceptance. Others develop a strong inner critic because they never had consistent reassurance that their feelings and needs were valid. Emotional neglect can also impact relationships. Someone may become highly sensitive to rejection or distance, while others may disconnect from their emotions and struggle to let people get close. These responses are not signs that someone is broken. They are often adaptations. A child who learns, “My feelings are too much,” may become an adult who apologizes for having needs. A child who learns, “I have to handle things on my own,” may become an adult who struggles to accept support. A child who learns, “My emotions create problems,” may become an adult who avoids conflict or constantly tries to keep others happy. Why Is Emotional Neglect So Difficult To Recognize?One of the hardest parts about identifying emotional neglect is that many people feel conflicted about acknowledging it. They may think: “My parents loved me.” “They did the best they could.” “My childhood wasn’t that bad.” “Other people experienced worse.” And those things may all be true. Recognizing emotional neglect does not mean someone had a terrible childhood or that their parents were intentionally harmful. Many caregivers love their children deeply while also struggling to provide emotional support, validation, or consistency because of their own upbringing, stress, or lack of emotional awareness. At the same time, intention and impact can both matter. A parent can love their child and still miss important emotional needs. A child can have happy memories and still carry pain from moments when they felt unseen, unheard, or alone. This experience is also often minimized by others. People may say, “But your parents loved you,” or “They provided everything for you.” While these statements may be well-intended, they can dismiss the emotional experience of someone who is struggling. Understanding emotional neglect is not about blaming parents. It is about recognizing how early experiences shape the way we relate to ourselves and others.  Healing From Childhood Emotional NeglectHealing often begins with learning to recognize the emotions and needs that may have been ignored for a long time. Many people have to learn skills that were never modeled for them: identifying feelings, setting boundaries, asking for support, practicing self-compassion, and building relationships where they do not have to earn their place. Therapy can provide a space to explore these patterns and understand where they came from. It can help people reconnect with parts of themselves they learned to minimize and develop a stronger sense of emotional safety. The goal is not to blame the past or stay stuck in what was missing. The goal is to understand how those experiences shaped you and begin building something different. Because what you did not receive as a child may have affected you, but it does not have to define the relationship you have with yourself or others moving forward. Talia Bina, MSEd, MPhil, MHC-LP is a clinician at Healing & Growth Counseling. She is passionate about her work with clients who have survived childhood trauma and neglect. She finds that when clients have difficulty achieving their goals, it can often be due to the impact of childhood neglect. By gaining insight into the ways in which childhood experiences have influenced one's thoughts, feelings, and behaviors, work can begin on healing from the past and shifting the thoughts, feelings, and behaviors in a way that allows one to move forward.
|
Categories
|
RSS Feed
Healing & Growth Counseling
4770 Sunrise Highway, Suite 102
Massapequa Park, NY 11762
(516) 406-8991
4770 Sunrise Highway, Suite 102
Massapequa Park, NY 11762
(516) 406-8991