How to Get the Spark Back in Your Relationshipby Candyce Young, MSEd, MHC-LP As you sit on the couch unwinding in the evening, scrolling on social media, you come across a photo posted by one of your friends. “Wow! Look at that! Another happy couple!” you think to yourself, noticing feelings of sadness, envy, anger, and/or jealousy. Although you know your friend meant no harm to you by posting her photos, it can be painful to see photos of “happy couples” while you feel that your relationship is doomed. Thoughts intrude and increase regarding your own relationship, which you have felt concerned about for some time. No matter how much you and your partner say you will try to “do different”, it doesn’t seem to get better. If you reach out to friends to share your frustration and anxiety about your relationship, your friends respond with “Don’t worry, if you both put in the work your relationship can be exciting and enjoyable again.” These words, though meant to be helpful, can feel vague and lack direction, which can further increase your frustration! Common Questions about Saving Your Relationship
The key to start on the path of rekindling the flame is getting back to having fun together. Yes, rekindling can involve fun in the sheets, but it can also involve changing of your daily routine and enjoying each other's company. Think of this: even though relationships often involve sexual intimacy, they are most often built primarily on an amazing friendship. Unfortunately, this friendship can get off track as time continues, especially as a couple goes through life transitions (both as individuals and together). Read on for some helpful tips on things you can do to reconnect. 3 Easy Ways to Reconnect with Your Partner1. No Cell Phone Night: This sounds so simple but in 2024 this can be a hard task. Put it on silent, do not disturb - whatever it takes but it needs to be out of sight and out of mind. Make a commitment to try this once, and then build it into a more frequent practice. Remember, this can be really challenging, so support one another through it. Chances are, once you are having fun together you won’t think much of your phone! If a full night of no cell phone feels overwhelming, begin with an hour and build up from there. 2. Build in "Casual Intimacy": Intimacy does not only involve bedroom fun. This means getting back to hugging or kissing when greeting one another or when departing for work. This can also involve sitting closer together on the couch and letting your legs touch, or maybe staying in bed on Sunday morning for some cuddles. The sense of touch is powerful when it comes to feeling connected, as oxytocin (the “bonding hormone”) is released. Bonus: the release of oxytocin triggers the release of other feel-good hormones! 3. Planning a Date Night: No matter how long you have been together and what stage of life you are in, couples need alone time. So find the babysitter and engage in an activity that involves action and interaction! Think of activities that you used to enjoy together in the past (if those are still available to you). Try to make sure that it is something that you are able to converse with one another during. For example, going to see a movie can be fun, however you aren’t able to talk with your partner while you are watching the movie. What are some date night ideas that can help me reconnect with my partner?Here are some ideas for dates:
How can I make my date night feel special at home?Unable to get out of the house? Consider ways to designate a “date night” at home. Make sure there is something different about it than what you usually do (for example, don’t just continue watching the same tv show you have been watching together):
I know you're probably thinking, well that's all too easy. Well, complete all 3 and then measure the flame between you both. It may take time, but it will be well worth it! Who knows, your relationship could be the next candid moment of a Happy Couple!  About the AuthorCandyce Young, MSEd, MHC-LP is a clinician at Healing & Growth Counseling, providing individual and couples therapy to clients throughout the state of New York via online therapy. Candyce grew to love working with couples as early as her days of internship. Candyce shares:"The best part about couples work is witnessing the commitment each partner is willing to give to rebuild the relationship. As a clinician in a long term relationship it resonates with me around the idea of wanting to rekindle the love." One of Candyce's favorite activities to help jumpstart rekindling is to have couples take on a new adventure. The type of adventure depends on the couple and each partner's comfort level. A physical challenge can range from going on a slightly more challenging hike to trying a new sport to deep sea diving. A less physical challenge can range from playing a more challenging game to visiting a new place to learning a new language. The key to rekindling the relationship is finding an adventure you will do together and doing something you both have never done. Interested in learning more about Candyce? Check out her bio here. Interested in scheduling an appointment for Couples Counseling in New York? Call us at (516) 406-8991 or fill out our contact form here.
by Megan Ockovic, MA, MHC-LP Throughout our lives we are constantly developing and changing, often alongside changes to our life circumstances. We begin as newborns, then toddlers, developing and changing day to day and minute to minute. We may experience transitioning to a form of childcare, such as daycare or a nanny caring for us in addition to our primary caregivers. We experience a transition when we become a student, being tasked with learning certain information and often transitioning to spending time away from the home regularly. We make many transitions throughout our adolescence, including puberty, hormonal changes (often including sexual attraction to others, often before it is understood on a cognitive level), social influence, making (and breaking) of friendships, joining of sports and clubs, and thoughts of future career. As we leave high school, we transition to the world of college and/or the world of work, and possibly increase independence by separating from primary caregivers and living with friends, significant others, or on our own. We transition in and out of relationships as we find and change our path. We may choose to marry, to divorce, to move, to have children. All of which are transitions. We must experience hundreds of transitions throughout our lives! Sometimes transitions are unexpected, such as: unwanted transitions due to an injury or loss of a close friend; transitions that lead to a range of feelings like being needed to care for a family member or an unexpected pregnancy; and transitions that trigger feelings of extreme happiness like a proposal or finding out that you won the lottery. An important factor to consider is the impact that the transition may have on your life and how it may affect your day to day life. The impact of the event on your relationships, routines, assumptions about yourself, the world, and roles are also important to consider. Life transitions, although normal and frequent, are crucial to our development. We learn from our life transitions. We may mature and grow from our life transitions. Internal transitions can impact our sense of self. Questions such as “Who am I?” can be an important part of this process. Our sense of identity, autonomy, and spirituality can also be part of this transition process. Due to everyone’s situations being different, here are five important factors to consider when going through a transition: 1. TriggerWhat set off the transition? Was it planned, expected, or unexpected? Was the trigger something that you chose to do? 2. TimingHow does the transition affect your current life situation? Is it happening at a time that feels like the right time? Is it happening at a time that family, friends, and society will be accepting of, or is there the possibility of having to cope with negative feedback or challenges from others in your life? 3. ControlWhat aspects of this transition are within my control? Do you have the ability to make choices that will slow down, speed up, or change the trajectory of this transition? 4. Role ChangeDoes this transition involve a role change for me? Do I feel that my identity will be challenged or forced to shift due to this transition? Is it a role change that I am looking forward to, or one that I am dreading (or maybe a mixture of both!)? 5. DurationIs this transition sudden or drawn out, and is it seen as permanent or temporary? Am I able to influence or make decisions that will change the duration of this transition?  Transitions that typically occur at certain times for others may occur for you at a different time, which can make them more difficult to go through, feeling that you are missing the camaraderie and support that you had expected to have. Here are some suggestions for when you are experiencing a transition in your life:
Read on for more details about each of the above suggestions: 1. Seek Support from Loved OnesHaving support from others can help immensely with going through a life transition. You can turn to family and friends who know you well to share your thoughts, feelings, and struggles with. Consider a loved one(s) who you know will be supportive in the way that you need them to be. Perhaps speaking with a loved one(s) who has been through a similar transition, especially if you feel that they handled it well. 2. Seek Support from your CommunityConnecting with others who have experienced similar transitions can help you to feel heard and understood. The community that you seek support from can be local to your home, including support groups, meetups, and groups held at your local doctor or therapist’s office. The community can also reach further, meeting with others in an online format, whether using social media, virtual support groups, or message boards on websites devoted to specific concerns or experiences. 3. Connect with YourselfIt can be easy to feel overwhelmed and focused only on your current life transition. Many people find themselves no longer engaging in hobbies and activities that they used to enjoy, which can lead to increased feelings of sadness and depression. Try to continue engaging in the things that you enjoy, even if they must be modified in order to engage at the current time. 4. JournalingWriting down your thoughts and feelings can help you to process them as they come up. It can be kept privately or shared with trusted others who may be helping you through your current life transition. You may choose to discard the journal at some point in time, or save it to refer back to in the future. 5. Seek Professional SupportEngaging in therapeutic services can help you to further process your thoughts and feelings about your current experiences. Life transitions can leave us in states of contemplation, confusion, and with difficult emotions. Working with a therapist may help you to explore identity shifts you are experiencing, accommodate your hobbies and activities to your life change, and seek the support that will be helpful. If the cause of your life transition was traumatic to you, a therapist can assist with processing this and moving past the trauma.  Upcoming Seasonal TransitionsSince we are quickly approaching some major annual transitions, let's take some time to discuss them here. Seasonal and holiday transitions be very difficult for individuals. Some may be affected by adjusting clocks in the spring or fall, others are affected by temperature changes. The upcoming Daylight Savings Time change of “Falling back” means getting an extra hour in the middle of the night. It also means spending a lot more of the day in darkness. This can impact your routine, your mood, and your natural rhythm. Research is increasingly uncovering ways that Daylight Savings Time affects physical and mental health. Holidays can also be difficult due to pressures to have it all together, time spent with family members that may be triggering, as well as grieving holidays past and family members who have died and are no longer part of the celebrations. Some holiday traditions may spur memories of holidays past, triggering grief, guilt, and a cascade of other painful and complex emotions. The following are some strategies to help with the change of seasons and holidays :
Life transitions, whether seasonal, expected, or unexpected, can be difficult and really tough to go through. You are not alone! Therapy can help. Working with a clinician who understands the complexity of life transitions can give you a safe space to explore and process your feelings as well as make healthy plans for moving forward. Therapists who specialize in life transitions can help you to better understand your new or changed role and cope with the changes you are going through. You do not have to feel alone in your journey! References: (1): Harvard Health, https://www.health.harvard.edu/newsletter_article/shining-a-light-on-winter-depression#:~:text=You%20should%20absorb%20light%20for,light%20time%20before%2010%20a.m.
About the AuthorMeg Ockovic, MA, MHC-LP, is a clinician at Healing & Growth Counseling. She specializes in helping her clients to adjust to, cope with, and thrive through life transitions. She herself has been through many life transitions. One that she reflects on positively is that of changing careers to become a mental health counselor. She always knew that counseling was her passion, wanting to help and hold space for others going through changes in their lives. Her favorite part of working with clients through various life transitions and adjustments in life is the increase she witnesses in self-efficacy as clients are able to execute behaviors necessary to produce changes. She loves the opportunity to validate her clients' progress and to be their cheerleader while they learn new coping skills, self-beliefs, and the confidence necessary to navigate their current transition. Questions? Interested in scheduling an appointment? Call us at (516) 406-8991 or Submit a Contact Form here.
by Tiffany Leonard, MA, MHC-LP “It all started when I was a child”... is the kind of saying one may joke about when you tell a friend you go to therapy. All jokes aside; did you know that therapy does not always have to look like you’re lying on the couch with your feet up staring at a ceiling and talking to a stranger about your earliest childhood memories? Sigmund Freud may think otherwise but being in the 21st century, things are more up to date than way back then; sorry Freud! Therapy, in a nutshell, has many different areas and tactics that can be of help to any individual. Whether it be talking about a significant problem, deep diving into memories, or seeking new tools and coping mechanisms that one can use for everyday life, therapy can be tough work and at times quite daunting! But it doesn’t always have to feel that way. As a clinician, thinking outside of this box can include bringing creativity into your sessions. Being creative in your day to day work can be fun for both the clinician and client, while still assisting the client in working towards their goals. “What? Therapy can be fun? Doesn’t it have to be a serious conversation only? Isn’t that why people come to therapy to talk about stuff they’re afraid to talk to others about?” Well, dear reader, I’m glad you ask these important questions. The answer is simply ‘Yes’, therapeutic work CAN be both fun and productive, for both the client and therapist as well; this goes for all ages too, not just kids! In my line of work I find it important to gain an understanding of who my client is and develop creative activities that can help them to bring out and process what they are feeling. These activities can be used to help in building rapport with a client during the initial stages of therapy. They can also be used to help with history gathering and getting to know your client, often helping your client to not feel like it is a strict interview or interrogation. Creativity and art can be used in session in a way to help clients express and process difficult or painful feelings, as well as portray shifts and changes that have occurred internally. It is important to note that not all creative activities are for everyone, and not every session needs to involve these activities. I truly believe that therapy should be individualized for each client. I like to keep some creative activities in my "toolbox", ready to use them as needed during a meeting with a client. Here are some of my favorites: Drawing & Coloring in TherapyFreedom of expression in a safe space can bring about SO MANY emotions and behaviors that a clinician can identify and explore with the client. Drawing a picture of your family can help us to look at family dynamics and relationships within your family. We’re not looking for the next Vincent Van Gogh (although, if fitting, we will make a positive comment on how well you can imitate his work!). It can also lead to a broader conversation within the session about each family member and what makes them special to you. Coloring in general can be grounding and comforting. Choosing colors to fill in a mandala or coloring sheet can be a form of expression. Drawings and doodles can also help you to express inner thoughts and feelings. A popular childhood activity, it also can help our adult clients to soothe their inner child during or after expressing painful emotions. Jenga & Card GamesA game such as Jenga or one of many card games can be a fun and casual way to ease into a therapeutic conversation, especially in the first stages of therapy. It can also help us get to know feelings and reactions related to winning and losing. Participating in a competitive game can help us to explore self control aspects and coping with the unknown. As the Jenga tower teeters to and fro later in the game, it can stir up feelings related to the concerns that brought a client in for therapy. The symbolism of aspects of game play can lead the therapy session into addressing the roots of a client's concerns. Playing with ToysPlaying with toys with my client is an interactive experience to gauge how well the client can play with others, share personal items and even shows us what brings you comfort when times can feel stressful (everyone needs something soft and cuddly to give a squeeze when we feel overwhelmed; it’s therapeutic!). Toys can be used for grounding during trauma work. They can also be used to portray real life scenarios and experiences in the therapy room. They can help a client during role play scenarios, preparing to use what they are learning in therapy in their daily life. Having a CatchUs clinicians want to make sure you’re in the here and now and are grounded in session; especially when talking about specific traumatic event(s) that may cause painful emotions to arise. We want to include safety in our sessions when working with trauma; so tossing a ball (a soft stress ball is perfect!) back and forth helps clients to stay in the present moment. It is very challenging, maybe impossible, to catch and throw a ball when your mind is fully in the past! This is especially helpful while clients explore difficult experiences and emotions. Client's Creative OutletsMany clients have previously engaged in creative outlets that have been helpful for them. I enjoy giving them the opportunity to incorporate these tools into the therapy work. Especially if clients have found a creative outlet to be great for self care, incorporating it into the therapy work can be powerful. Clients may want to utilize clay, music, dance/movement, or other artistic avenues in and out of session as a way to enhance their therapy work. Another creative outlet that is more focused on the clinician, but will also benefit the client, is to enjoy creating a fun and comfortable environment within the office space. Show a bit of your personality within your safe space that you’ve created for your clients. Consider utilizing some of your creative outlets in creating your space. If you enjoy painting, buy a blank canvas and paint your own wall decor. If you enjoy working with clay, design a piece or two that sits on your shelf. If you enjoy building with wood, consider designing and building shelves or your ideal table for your office. Invite your clients into a warm and cozy area so that they may feel safe and comfortable enough to be vulnerable in the therapeutic process to gain the most from their time with you. With that being said: decorating your space can be a therapeutic experience for us clinicians too, so why not enjoy work while making yourselves feel at home too!  Tiffany incorporates art and creativity into her therapy practice, including the decorating of her therapy space! About the AuthorTiffany Leonard, MHC-LP is a therapist at Healing & Growth Counseling who lets her creative side shine when it comes to her work. She incorporates creative methods with her clients to help them to feel comfortable in therapy and to move towards their goals. She is always considering new ways to help her clients heal and overcome obstacles in their lives. She is also responsible for much of the decorating in our office in Massapequa Park, as you can see in the photo above. In her personal life, she incorporates creativity through hobbies such as baking, spending time outside with family and friends, and making travel plans. She also enjoys the creative outlets of others by reading books and watching movies and television shows.
Interested in learning more about Tiffany? Check out her bio page here. Interested in scheduling an appointment with Tiffany? Call us at (516) 406-8991 or fill out our Contact Form here. By Kat Pearl, Ed.M., MA, MHC Intern Over the past few years, online therapy has revolutionized the way we approach mental health care. As a mental health professional, I have witnessed how this innovative approach can make a profound difference in people’s lives. If you are considering whether online therapy is right for you, I encourage you to give it a try. Online Therapy is Convenient and AccessibleImagine having access to a skilled therapist no matter where you live. Online therapy makes this a reality, breaking down geographical barriers and bringing quality mental health care to your doorstep. Whether you live in a bustling city or a rural town, you can connect with a professional who understands your needs. The convenience of online therapy is unmatched. Forget about traffic, bad weather, parking, or squeezing an appointment into your packed schedule. With online therapy, you can have your session from the comfort of your home, during a break at work, or even while traveling. This flexibility ensures that therapy fits seamlessly into your life, making it easier to prioritize your mental well-being. Online Therapy Promotes Comfort & PrivacyFor many, the idea of sitting in a therapist's office can be daunting. Online therapy offers an alternative that feels less intimidating, allowing you to open up in a setting where you feel most comfortable. Whether it’s your cozy living room, a quiet spot in your home, or even your favorite park bench, you choose the environment that best supports your mental health journey. Privacy is another huge benefit. Attending therapy from a location of your choice adds an extra layer of confidentiality, reducing the anxiety of possibly running into someone you know. Online therapy allows you to take control of your mental health in a way that feels secure and discrete. Online Therapy is Proven to be EffectiveYou might wonder if online therapy is as effective as traditional, in-person sessions. The answer is a resounding yes. Research shows that online therapy can be just as effective for treating a range of mental health issues, from anxiety and depression to PTSD. Techniques such as Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT), and Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) adapt beautifully to a virtual format, leading to meaningful, lasting change. Online Therapy Promotes a Strong Therapeutic RelationshipA strong, trusting relationship with your therapist is key to successful therapy, and online sessions are no exception. You might think that connecting through a screen would make it harder to build rapport, but that is not the case. Many therapists have honed their skills to ensure that the virtual experience feels warm, personal, and effective. Regular video calls and thoughtful check-ins can all contribute to a supportive therapeutic relationship. In fact, many clients find that the flexibility of online therapy allows them to be more open and honest, leading to deeper and more productive sessions. Final Thoughts: Online Therapy is Worth ItIn today’s fast-paced world, online therapy offers a unique opportunity to prioritize your mental health in a way that’s flexible, accessible, and effective. Whether you’re navigating life transitions, managing anxiety, or simply looking for a space to grow, online therapy could be the perfect fit for you. I encourage you to explore this option. Consider the convenience, the comfort, and the personalized care you can receive, all from the privacy of your own space. Online therapy isn’t just a viable alternative to traditional therapy – it’s a powerful tool that can help you lead a healthier, more balanced life. Your mental health is worth investing in, and online therapy might just be the perfect way to do it. Why not take that first step today? AuthorThis blog article was written by Kat Pearl, EdM, MA, MHC Intern, a Mental Health Counseling Intern at Healing & Growth Counseling. Kat has many years of experience as a certified school psychologist, and decided to go back to school to become a Mental Health Counselor so that she could work with people outside of the school setting to help them achieve their goals and heal from their past. Kat is an active yogi and long distance runner who engages in her own daily practice of meditation and mindfulness. She incorporates a variety of techniques into her routine, including breathwork, guided visualization, and mindful movement, in order to stay grounded and centered. Kat currently has openings for new clients for online therapy and offers evening and weekend options for appointments. If you’d like to read more about Kat’s style and philosophy regarding therapy, check out her bio page here.
Interested in scheduling an appointment with Kat or one of our other online therapists? Call us at (516) 406-8991 or fill out a Contact Form here. Curious to know more about how Online Therapy works at Healing & Growth Counseling? Check out our Online Therapy in New York page here. by Cindy Zabinski, LMHC, CRC, ACS, EMDRIA Approved ConsultantEMDR has received a great deal of recognition in the world of pop culture and social media, with celebrities endorsing it’s effectiveness and the way it has helped them make positive changes in their life. The way that it is often portrayed in movies and television shows do not show much more than the concept that eyes move back and forth in the process. When many new clients call regarding EMDR, they are unsure as to what the process will be like. Here, I will try to share more detail about the background of EMDR and the phases that occur when doing EMDR with an EMDR clinician. Part 1 - What is EMDR?EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization & Reprocessing Therapy) was developed by Francine Shapiro in the 1990s. She began to develop the idea for EMDR on a walk one day outside in a park. She recognized, as she was walking, that the process of a walk helped immensely in clearing her head and helping her to think more clearly about her response to a current life concern. She noticed the bilateral movements that occurred in her body as she stepped left-right-left-right and looked from side to side at the nature around her. From this, she began to develop EMDR. EMDR is based on the Adaptive Information Processing (AIP) model. The model goes like this: our brain is built and designed to naturally work towards resolution and healing. However, when there are past experiences that have negatively impacted this process (often classified as “Traumas” or “traumas”), that impacts the healing process of experiences moving forward. Here is an illustration: Have you ever, with 20/20 eyesight, tried on the glasses of a friend that has a strong prescription? Think of how clearly you see before putting on their glasses - this is the way in which our brain naturally heals and grows through experiences. When an experience negatively impacts this process, it is like putting on that friend’s glasses. Then, moving forward, we see the world and our experiences (and often ourself) in this distorted way. The process of EMDR is meant to help one to take off that distorted lens, so that the brain can resume the natural healing process that is meant to occur. I wish I could say that we are able to throw away those painful glasses and fully forget painful memories, but that is not entirely true. A person who has successfully gone through EMDR still remembers the past event, however it does not impact them in the same way emotionally. They may no longer recall details of the event or the event may appear “blurry” compared to prior to treatment. EMDR focuses on a three-pronged approach, meaning that the clinician and client will first focus on reprocessing past events, going back to the “touchstone event”, the event that started the distorted lens in the first place. The client and clinician will then move into processing present-day experiences that have been impacted by the negative lens, and finally focus on future use of the new healthy lens that has been developed. EMDR is considered “evidence-based” for Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). This means that, through many years and funding of research, the medical community has seen the positive and significant impact that it has for those diagnosed with PTSD. There has also been much research done for those who have struggled with negative/difficult/traumatic experiences and may have a different diagnosis or concern (for example, depression, anxiety, chronic pain, grief, substance use, eating disorders, performance anxiety). Part 2 - What are the Steps of EMDR?EMDR consists of 8 phases. One of the common misconceptions that I hear from new clients is that EMDR is 8 sessions long since there are 8 phases. This is not true. As an EMDR therapist, I often address more than one phase in each session and each phase may take more than one session to complete. The client’s comfort level is a big part of the decision making process regarding when a new phase is entered. Here I will discuss each of the phases to provide further clarity about the process: Phase I - History Gathering The first phase of EMDR is much like that of traditional psychotherapy/talk therapy. The clinician will work with you to gather information about your current concerns and history. The clinician may focus on creating a timeline of events, both positive and negative, that have occurred throughout your life. They may also ask about relationships with others throughout the course of your life. They will do this at a pace that feels comfortable and safe enough for you. During this phase, rapport is also focused on. It is important, before engaging in working through painful memories, to feel comfortable and safe enough with your clinician. Phase II - Preparation The second phase of EMDR is focused on preparing for the reprocessing of traumatic memories. Each client will spend a different amount of time in this phase, depending on their specific situation. The clinician, during this phase, will help you to build the tools needed to tolerate the movement of work that occurs during EMDR reprocessing. Stabilization may be focused on, if needed, to make sure that you remain feeling safe throughout the process. Coping and grounding skills will be taught and practiced. Bilateral stimulation will be explored and utilized starting in this phase. Bilateral stimulation can occur in the original method of eye movements, in which your clinician will assist you in moving your eyes back and forth using their hand, a light bar, or a tool via telehealth on your computer screen. It can also occur in a tactile manner, which can be by buzzers that are held in each hand, your clinician tapping on your knees, or self-tapping that will be taught by your clinician. A third method includes auditory bilateral stimulation, which would include wearing headphones in which music or beeps are played alternating in each ear. The preparation phase allows you and your clinician to create a “game plan” for the work moving forward. Spending some time doing this can help to expedite the work done in upcoming phases. It can help to prevent confusion and promote further feeling like you and your therapist are on a team together working on this. Phase III - Target Assessment In the third phase of EMDR, the clinician will work with the client to identify the events and experiences that are likely impacting the present-day concerns, or that have formed the negative “lens” through which the client currently views the world. It may be difficult to choose one event. The clinician will most likely use the history gathering phase as a tool to assist with choosing an initial target. In considering EMDR as a “bottom-up approach”, the goal is to find the “touchstone event” or earliest event that caused the start of the negative belief that exists today, to reprocess in Phase IV. For some clients, it is ideal to start with this event as the target assessment. For others, if starting with that memory feels overwhelming, other targets may be a better option to begin the process of EMDR. Your clinician will guide you through a Target Assessment by asking you several questions to depict the memory, the negative belief that it brings up for you, the feelings it brings up within you, and the positive or neutral goal belief you would prefer to believe. This Target Assessment will be used by you and your therapist as you enter Phase IV. Phase IV - Reprocessing The fourth phase of EMDR is the phase that is typically represented in movies and on TV. In this phase, there is often silence between the client and clinician, as silent reprocessing of the event is done while the clinician assists with bilateral stimulation. During this phase, the clinician will assist the client in bringing up the target that was outlined in the target assessment. They will then allow the client’s brain to work towards healing silently as they lead the client in bilateral stimulation. The clinician will pause bilateral stimulation periodically to check in with the client. The purpose of this check-in is to make sure that the process is moving forward and that the client is safe and present. In EMDR, we never want the client to feel as if they are back in the past experiencing their memory. We want to make sure that they are in the present looking at the memory, as if it is a movie playing on a screen in front of them, with the ability to press pause and play as needed. Reprocessing can occur at different paces. The theory behind this phase is that the clinician is meant to stay “out of the way” to allow the brain to utilize the preparation and present-day knowledge that the client has to “digest” the memory in a different, healthier way. Sometimes, reprocessing occurs quickly, with the client noticing images, thoughts, feelings, and body sensations occurring at fast rates. Other times, it can slow down or even feel like it is on a loop. The clinician is there to assist in those moments with a variety of tools. One of the most common questions I am asked by clients during their first session of Phase IV is “Am I doing it right?”. It is important to keep in mind that the process of healing is different for everyone. By allowing thoughts, feelings, and body sensations to flow and come up as they do, the process is occurring. Phase V - Installation The fifth phase of EMDR occurs after reprocessing of a target image is complete. Likely, the negative belief that was identified in the target assessment no longer feels connected to that image, however a neutral or positive belief will feel true. The clinician will assist the client in installing this positive belief using bilateral stimulation. If you are reading this blog prior to experiencing EMDR, you may think that the second sentence of the previous paragraph is crazy or impossible. Many clients have laughed at me when I explain this phase prior to them completing Phase IV for a target image. If you don’t believe it, I am not going to try to convince you here. Give it a try, and then get back to me ;-) Phase VI - Body Scan The sixth phase of EMDR occurs after reprocessing of a target is done and installation of a more neutral or positive rational belief is installed. Because our emotions are held within the body, the process of scanning the body is necessary to see if there is any leftover “stuff” that did not come up or out in Phase IV or V. Sometimes our feelings occur as body sensations, such as a jabbing pain in your side or a slight throbbing in your leg. Rather than leave these feelings unrecognized and unprocessed, the clinician will assist, using bilateral stimulation, to work through these feelings as body sensations. Once the body scan is complete, Phase VII can occur. Phase VII - Closure The seventh phase of EMDR occurs either: A) after Phase VI is complete, otherwise known as a complete session; or B) at the end of session time before Phase VI is complete, otherwise known as an incomplete session. The clinician will check in with you to see how you are feeling, and assist you in using your grounding skills to be fully present in the room prior to ending the session. Sometimes, especially in the case of incomplete sessions, the clinician will help you to “leave the work at the office” through use of a Container Exercise. Phase VIII - Re-Evaluation The final phase of EMDR occurs at the session following a complete session. In this Phase, the clinician will bring up the target image that was worked on to check in regarding feelings and the positive/neutral belief that was installed in Phase V. If it is seen that there remains something to work through, then Phase IV will be re-entered in session. If not, then the target is considered complete and the clinician and client will move forward in their work, such as choosing a new target to work through. EMDR is a powerful and effective therapy. I hope that the above information is helpful in answering your questions about EMDR and it's process. I fear that some people may avoid trying EMDR because it is different from traditional therapy. My goal is to provide insight that may help others decide if further exploring EMDR is right for them! Read more about EMDR as one of the services provided at Healing & Growth Counseling by clicking here. AuthorCindy Zabinski, LMHC, CRC, ACS, is an EMDRIA Certified Therapist and an EMDRIA Approved Consultant. Upon being trained in EMDR in 2016 she fell in love with EMDR as a treatment modality, finding that it helps clients to overcome past traumas and change negative self beliefs quickly and effectively. She was Certified in EMDR in July 2017 and focuses her clinical practice on using EMDR to help people overcome past trauma and find peace in their present. She focuses as an EMDRIA Approved Consultant in helping trained clinicians become proficient in using EMDR with their clients. Cindy is the owner and founder of Healing & Growth Counseling, a group practice that focuses on providing trauma-informed counseling to clients across the state of New York, both in person and online. Read more about Cindy here.
by Kat Pearl, EdM, MA, MHC InternIf you're considering starting therapy and have come across the opportunity to work with an intern at a therapeutic clinic or practice, you might be wondering what exactly that entails. As a Mental Health Counselor (MHC) intern, I am here to clear up any confusion around this and encourage you or someone you know to give it a try. Affordability and Accessibility One of the biggest advantages of working with an intern is the reduced cost of their therapy sessions. Therapy sessions with interns are generally more affordable than with fully licensed professionals, which makes mental health services accessible to a broader population. The lower fees encourage more clients to seek therapy, providing interns with a diverse range of clinical experiences. The lower fees may also be beneficial for clients who are finding it difficult to find a provider who is in-network with their insurance plan and are also unable to afford the costs of out-of-network benefits. While the cost is lower, it’s important to note that the quality of our care remains high due to the rigorous supervision and oversight provided by licensed, well-vetted supervisors. Flexible Scheduling Interns often offer more flexible scheduling options as they build their client base and gain experience. In our post-pandemic world, finding therapists who are both available and affordable can be challenging. Interns are eager to fill their hours and do not keep as large of a caseload as many licensed clinicians, helping to solve availability issues. This flexibility can be especially beneficial for clients with busy schedules, those who need appointments outside of typical office hours, or those who have rotating schedules preventing them from keeping the same appointment time each week. Up-to-Date Knowledge and Fresh Perspectives Interns are immersed in the latest research, techniques, and trends in mental health due to their recent or ongoing education and training. We are often open to trying new or innovative therapeutic techniques and approaches, which can be beneficial for clients who are looking to explore fresh perspectives. Our passion and enthusiasm for our work drive us to apply our skills and knowledge diligently. This can bring a dynamic energy to therapy sessions, fostering a creative and open-minded environment for exploring mental health concerns. Diverse Backgrounds and Unique Perspectives Many interns have years of related work experience in various roles, such as rehabilitation counselors, school counselors, school psychologists, vocational counselors, or other positions that provide a broad understanding of mental health care. These diverse experiences allow us to bring unique perspectives to our internship sites, enhancing our ability to connect with and support clients. Our varied backgrounds enable us to draw on a wide range of skills and insights, making our therapeutic approaches well-rounded and adaptable to different client needs. Comprehensive Supervision As an intern, I am supervised by experienced, licensed professionals who provide regular guidance and oversight. This means clients working with interns benefit from the expertise of both the intern and their supervisors. This meticulous training process often includes weekly supervision meetings, case discussions, collaborative problem-solving, group consultation, and ongoing professional development opportunities. Close supervision ensures that interns adhere strongly to ethical standards, resulting in high levels of professionalism and care. Clients can feel confident that they are receiving quality care, as all intern activities are closely monitored and guided by seasoned professionals. Personal Growth and Development Working with an intern can be a collaborative and growth-oriented experience. Clients play a significant role in the professional development of interns, creating a rewarding therapeutic relationship. Interns are dedicated and committed to their professional growth, ensuring they are well-prepared to become effective, compassionate, and knowledgeable mental health counselors. This mutual growth fosters a unique and empowering dynamic in the therapeutic relationship, where both client and intern learn and evolve together. Incorporating Coping Skills and Exercises As an MHC intern, I am also enthusiastic about integrating practical coping skills and exercises into our sessions. Here are a few techniques you might encounter:
Ultimately, MHC interns bring fresh ideas and enthusiasm while working diligently to support their clients' well-being. Benjamin Franklin once said: "Tell me and I forget, teach me and I may remember, involve me and I learn." I believe that this quote perfectly captures the essence of the therapeutic process with an intern. By involving clients in their journey, both the intern and the client learn and grow together. If you're looking for affordable, flexible, and high-quality mental health care, working with an intern like myself might be the perfect fit. Let's embark on this journey together and explore your potential for growth and healing. AuthorThis blog article was written by Kat Pearl, EdM, MA, MHC Intern, a Mental Health Counseling Intern at Healing & Growth Counseling. Kat has many years of experience as a certified school psychologist, and decided to go back to school to become a Mental Health Counselor so that she could work with people outside of the school setting to help them achieve their goals and heal from their past. Kat is an active yogi and long distance runner who engages in her own daily practice of meditation and mindfulness. She incorporates a variety of techniques into her routine, including breathwork, guided visualization, and mindful movement, in order to stay grounded and centered. Kat currently has openings for new clients for online therapy and offers evening and weekend options for appointments. If you’d like to read more about Kat’s style and philosophy regarding therapy, check out her bio page here: If you are interested in scheduling an appointment with Kat, send us a Contact Form here:
by Erika Calcagno, MS, MHC-LPHave you been told: “You don’t look sick.” “You are too young to be sick.” “All labs are normal, nothing is wrong.” Have you ever been told that your symptoms are due to stress or anxiety? Or that losing weight is the answer to all your problems? If you have heard any of the above, you are not alone. Whether you are someone newly diagnosed, diagnosed for years, or trying to get answers, I hope this article is validating, supportive, and provides some options and hope for you. Medical gaslighting occurs when a medical professional minimizes and dismisses the concerns of an individual. In these gaslighting situations, instead of pursuing an investigation into the individual’s symptoms, the medical professional doesn’t actively listen and they may even talk down to the patient, attributing their symptoms to anxiety/stress, weight, or something mundane. This can make you question everything you are experiencing. Too many individuals, especially women, experience this invalidation when living with a chronic illness. Not only does it occur from people we encounter in our everyday lives, even those who claim to care about us; it can also come from the very medical professionals who went to school to help us. In situations of medical gaslighting, professionals may give you unsolicited advice that is not based on medical fact, which can invalidate your pain, your symptoms, your life. It can be exhausting, lonely, and just plain frustrating. In medical gaslighting situations, you may feel let down by the doctors that you choose to trust with your health. According to research, on average it takes women 4 years to receive a proper diagnosis for their chronic illness, waiting longer than men to receive a diagnosis*. This time can be greater for those in low-income or other marginalized communities. Individuals who are struggling with chronic illness and/or pain, often already trying to cope with feelings of anxiety, uncertainty, and worry, are also in positions to have to fight for proper testing, fight to be seen, and fight to be heard and listened to. It can be such an incredibly difficult battle - I hope that this post helps you to know that it is a battle you are not alone in. Advocating for yourself at the doctor can seem daunting and exhausting, but you don’t have to feel alone in it. Your fears and concerns are valid. Finding ways to advocate within this system is key. There is hope in finding the right medical professional, one that will make you feel heard and believed, and one that will fight with you to find answers and develop a treatment path with you. Here are some tips to find that medical professional who is right for you and your chronic illness journey: 1- Follow your Gut - You are the expert on your body and the symptoms and/or pain you are experiencing. If you feel that something is wrong, trust in yourself. Even when a doctor tells you that your blood-work looks normal, review the results in detail with them and advocate for further testing. If you feel in your gut that this is not the right medical professional for you, you have the right to seek a different professional or get a second opinion. 2- Ask Questions - You can never have too much information. If you want to know why tests are being run or why they are not, ask your doctor to justify it. You deserve to know what is going and have a say in your own treatment. You can ask them to share the reason that they documented for their medical recommendation. 3- You can say ‘NO’ - This pertains to the treatment options given to you, the procedures and tests, and the behavior of your medical professional. A relationship with a medical professional in which you feel brushed off or talked down to is not a healthy one. They are supposed to be working with you, as part of a team. If they are not incorporating you into your own care, you are allowed to say no. 4- Have a support network - It can be helpful to lean on supports in your life to help advocate for you and demand fair and just medical treatment. These can include friends, partners, family members, and even nurses and support staff in clinics and hospitals. You may find out that someone close to you has had a similar experience, or gain a recommendation for a professional who may be a better fit for you. Support groups in person or online can also be a helpful tool to connect to others who have similar experiences and are working to advocate for themselves. Note: If you feel that a doctor or medical professional has discriminated against you or has done something unethical, you have the right to reach out to and make a report with your state's health department. Getting control of your flare ups, searching for a diagnosis, and experimenting with treatments is a taxing journey. Dealing with medical gaslighting makes the journey even more exhausting and difficult, and can stir up feelings of stress, anxiety, depression, and shame. If you are searching for support to work with your medical team or to help with your mental health as you navigate the complexities of having a chronic illness, please don’t hesitate to reach out for support from clinicians at Healing and Growth Counseling. We are here for you! Sources: Merone, L., Tsey, K., Russell, D., Daltry, A., & Nagle, C. (2022). Self-Reported Time to Diagnosis and Proportions of Rediagnosis in Female Patients with Chronic Conditions in Australia: A Cross-sectional Survey. Women's health reports (New Rochelle, N.Y.), 3(1), 749–758. https://doi.org/10.1089/whr.2022.0040 AuthorThis blog was written by Erika Calcagno, MS, MHC-LP, a clinician at Healing & Growth Counseling. Her passion for working with people with chronic illness and pain shines through her work with clients and in her writing on this very topic. Erika, herself, has been on her own chronic illness journey for the past 7 years. When she is not in session she enjoys playing with her two cats and traveling, focusing on the many types of foods other cultures have to offer. Erika currently has appointments available for online therapy. If you’d like to read more about Erika, check out her bio page here. If you are interested in scheduling an appointment with Erika, submit a form on our Contact page. People in recovery from alcohol and drugs have been hit hard during the pandemic. The pandemic put a stop to most of our sobriety plans and threw our structured routines out the window. Recovery from substances teaches us to talk with others, attend meetings, keep busy, and to not isolate. Quarantine was a shell shock for all of us. We had to immediately stop the routine of our everyday lives and adopt and create a new routine that abided by the world's new rules. Immediately, social gatherings were put on hold. Thus, our groups and anonymous meetings were put on hold too. What do we do? The world turned to zoom. Some of us didn't mind the change to teletherapy or zoom meetings. But it's not for everyone. But it is also worth a shot. Here are a few important things to remember while you’re working your recovery during this pandemic:
|
PurposeBlog posts are meant to bring mental health awareness and education to anyone who visits our site. Please know that although reading blogs may be extremely helpful, they may not substitute the work that can be done in therapy. Archives
October 2024
Categories |
- Home
- Services
- Groups
-
Clinicians
- Brenna Tighe, LMHC, CRC
- Erika Calcagno, MHC-LP
- Candyce Young, MS, MHC-LP
- Sarah Mohan, MS, CRC, MHC-LP
- Joann Romano, MSEd, LMHC
- Meg Ockovic, MHC-LP
- Jaime Harkins, MHC-LP, CRC
- Tiffany Leonard, MHC-LP
- Rachel Lubell, LCSW-R, CASAC
- Kat Pearl, EdM, MA, MHC Intern
- Heather DeGuire, MHC-LP
- Cindy Zabinski, LMHC, CRC, ACS
- Erin Langstaff, MSEd, MHC Intern
- Fees & Insurance
- Contact
- Online Therapy in NY
- Blog
RSS Feed
Healing & Growth Counseling
4770 Sunrise Highway, Suite 102
Massapequa Park, NY 11762
(516) 406-8991
4770 Sunrise Highway, Suite 102
Massapequa Park, NY 11762
(516) 406-8991
- Home
- Services
- Groups
-
Clinicians
- Brenna Tighe, LMHC, CRC
- Erika Calcagno, MHC-LP
- Candyce Young, MS, MHC-LP
- Sarah Mohan, MS, CRC, MHC-LP
- Joann Romano, MSEd, LMHC
- Meg Ockovic, MHC-LP
- Jaime Harkins, MHC-LP, CRC
- Tiffany Leonard, MHC-LP
- Rachel Lubell, LCSW-R, CASAC
- Kat Pearl, EdM, MA, MHC Intern
- Heather DeGuire, MHC-LP
- Cindy Zabinski, LMHC, CRC, ACS
- Erin Langstaff, MSEd, MHC Intern
- Fees & Insurance
- Contact
- Online Therapy in NY
- Blog