When Decisions Feel Hard: Understanding Anxiety and Second-Guessing

by Fallon Panetta, MS, MHC-LP

When Decisions Feel Hard: Understanding Anxiety and Second-Guessing

We make decisions every day. Some are small, like what to eat for dinner or what to wear. Others involve relationships, careers, finances, family, or major life changes. While it is normal to spend more time thinking about important choices, for some people, decision-making can quickly become overwhelming. You may find yourself going back and forth between options, asking others what they think, researching endlessly, or finally making a choice only to immediately question whether you made the right one.  When this happens frequently, anxiety may be playing a role.

Why Can Decisions Feel So Overwhelming?

Anxiety often wants certainty. Before making a decision, you may want reassurance that you are choosing the "right" option and that everything will work out the way you hope. Unfortunately, most decisions don't come with that kind of guarantee.

This uncertainty can lead to thoughts such as:

"What if I make the wrong choice?"

"What if I regret this later?"

"What if something goes wrong?"

"What if the other option would have been better?"

The more you try to answer every "what if," the more possibilities your mind can create. Instead of feeling more confident, you may end up feeling even less certain than when you started.

The Pressure to Make the "Perfect" Choice

Perfectionism can also make decision-making difficult. When you believe there is one perfect choice, making a decision can feel like a test you can't afford to get wrong. But many decisions aren't simply right or wrong. Two choices may both have benefits and drawbacks. Sometimes we make the best decision we can with the information we have and adjust along the way.

Try replacing

"What is the perfect decision?"
with:
"What choice makes the most sense based on what I know right now?"

This small shift can reduce some of the pressure to predict the future.

When Thinking Turns Into Overthinking

Taking time to consider your options can be helpful. Overthinking is different. You may notice that you're repeatedly reviewing the same information without gaining any new insight. Perhaps you've already made a decision but continue searching for reassurance that it was the correct one. At that point, more thinking may not create more clarity. It may simply give anxiety more opportunities to introduce doubt.

When you notice yourself caught in this cycle, ask yourself:

"Do I need more information, or am I looking for certainty?"

​If you already have enough information to make a reasonable choice, it may be time to allow yourself to move forward.

Learning to Tolerate Uncertainty

One of the hardest parts of decision-making is accepting that you cannot know exactly what will happen next. You can carefully consider a decision and still experience an unexpected outcome. You can also make a choice that doesn't work out exactly as planned without that choice being a failure. Learning to tolerate uncertainty means allowing some unanswered questions to exist without feeling that you must solve them before moving forward.

It might sound like:

"I don't know exactly how this will turn out, but I can handle the next step."

That is very different from needing to convince yourself that everything will work out perfectly.

Building Trust in Yourself

Confidence in decision-making doesn't necessarily come from making the right choice every time. It develops when you begin trusting yourself to respond to whatever happens afterward.

You can change direction.

You can problem-solve.

You can ask for support.

You can learn from an experience.

You can make a different choice next time.

Self-trust grows when you recognize that one decision does not determine everything that comes afterward.

Moving Forward Without Perfect Certainty

If anxiety and second-guessing regularly make it difficult to make decisions, therapy can help you identify the thoughts and fears keeping you stuck. Counseling can also help you work on perfectionism, increase your tolerance for uncertainty, and build greater confidence in your own judgment.

The next time you find yourself searching for the perfect answer, consider asking:

"Do I have enough information to make the best decision I can right now?"

You may not be able to guarantee the outcome, but you can learn to trust yourself to navigate what comes next.

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