Life is a Series of Transitions

by Megan Ockovic, MA, MHC-LP

Throughout our lives we are constantly developing and changing, often alongside changes to our life circumstances. We begin as newborns, then toddlers, developing and changing day to day and minute to minute. We may experience transitioning to a form of childcare, such as daycare or a nanny caring for us in addition to our primary caregivers. We experience a transition when we become a student, being tasked with learning certain information and often transitioning to spending time away from the home regularly. We make many transitions throughout our adolescence, including puberty, hormonal changes (often including sexual attraction to others, often before it is understood on a cognitive level), social influence, making (and breaking) of friendships, joining of sports and clubs, and thoughts of future career.
As we leave high school, we transition to the world of college and/or the world of work, and possibly increase independence by separating from primary caregivers and living with friends, significant others, or on our own. We transition in and out of relationships as we find and change our path. We may choose to marry, to divorce, to move, to have children. All of which are transitions.

We must experience hundreds of transitions throughout our lives!

Sometimes transitions are unexpected, such as: unwanted transitions due to an injury or loss of a close friend; transitions that lead to a range of feelings like being needed to care for a family member or an unexpected pregnancy; and transitions that trigger feelings of extreme happiness like a proposal or finding out that you won the lottery. An important factor to consider is the impact that the transition may have on your life and how it may affect your day to day life.  The impact of the event on your relationships, routines, assumptions about yourself, the world, and roles are also important to consider.

Life transitions, although normal and frequent, are crucial to our development. We learn from our life transitions. We may mature and grow from our life transitions.  Internal transitions can impact our sense of self. Questions such as “Who am I?” can be an important part of this process.  Our sense of identity, autonomy, and spirituality can also be part of this transition process.  

Due to everyone’s situations being different, here are five important factors to consider when going through a transition:

1. Trigger

What set off the transition? Was it planned, expected, or unexpected? Was the trigger something that you chose to do? 

2. Timing

How does the transition affect your current life situation? Is it happening at a time that feels like the right time? Is it happening at a time that family, friends, and society will be accepting of, or is there the possibility of having to cope with negative feedback or challenges from others in your life?

3. Control

What aspects of this transition are within my control? Do you have the ability to make choices that will slow down, speed up, or change the trajectory of this transition?

4. Role Change

Does this transition involve a role change for me? Do I feel that my identity will be challenged or forced to shift due to this transition? Is it a role change that I am looking forward to, or one that I am dreading (or maybe a mixture of both!)?

5. Duration

Is this transition sudden or drawn out, and is it seen as permanent or temporary? Am I able to influence or make decisions that will change the duration of this transition?

Transitions that typically occur at certain times for others may occur for you at a different time, which can make them more difficult to go through, feeling that you are missing the camaraderie and support that you had expected to have.
Here are some suggestions for when you are experiencing a transition in your life:

• Seek Support from Loved Ones
• Seek Support from  Your Community
  
• Connect with Yourself
• Journaling
  
• Seek Professional Support
  

Read on for more details about each of the above suggestions:

1. Seek Support from Loved Ones

Having support from others can help immensely with going through a life transition. You can turn to family and friends who know you well to share your thoughts, feelings, and struggles with. Consider a loved one(s) who you know will be supportive in the way that you need them to be. Perhaps speaking with a loved one(s) who has been through a similar transition, especially if you feel that they handled it well.​

2. Seek Support from your Community

Connecting with others who have experienced similar transitions can help you to feel heard and understood. The community that you seek support from can be local to your home, including support groups, meetups, and groups held at your local doctor or therapist’s office. The community can also reach further, meeting with others in an online format, whether using social media, virtual support groups, or message boards on websites devoted to specific concerns or experiences.

3. Connect with Yourself

It can be easy to feel overwhelmed and focused only on your current life transition. Many people find themselves no longer engaging in hobbies and activities that they used to enjoy, which can lead to increased feelings of sadness and depression. Try to continue engaging in the things that you enjoy, even if they must be modified in order to engage at the current time.

4. Journaling

Writing down your thoughts and feelings can help you to process them as they come up. It can be kept privately or shared with trusted others who may be helping you through your current life transition. You may choose to discard the journal at some point in time, or save it to refer back to in the future.

5. Seek Professional Support

Engaging in therapeutic services can help you to further process your thoughts and feelings about your current experiences. Life transitions can leave us in states of contemplation, confusion, and with difficult emotions. Working with a therapist may help you to explore identity shifts you are experiencing, accommodate your hobbies and activities to your life change, and seek the support that will be helpful. If the cause of your life transition was traumatic to you, a therapist can assist with processing this and moving past the trauma.

Upcoming Seasonal Transitions

Since we are quickly approaching some major annual transitions, let's take some time to discuss them here. Seasonal and holiday transitions be very difficult for individuals.  Some may be affected by adjusting clocks in the spring or fall, others  are affected by temperature changes.  The upcoming Daylight Savings Time change of “Falling back” means getting an extra hour in the middle of the night. It also means spending a lot more of the day in darkness. This can impact your routine, your mood, and your natural rhythm. Research is increasingly uncovering ways that Daylight Savings Time affects physical and mental health. 
Holidays can also be difficult due to pressures to have it all together, time spent with family members that may be triggering, as well as grieving holidays past and family members who have died and are no longer part of the celebrations.  Some holiday traditions may spur memories of holidays past, triggering grief, guilt, and a cascade of other painful and complex emotions.
The following are some strategies to help with the change of seasons and holidays :

• Make a list of priorities for the season and stick to it. Don’t give into pressure. Do the things you really enjoy and forget about the rest. Say no to requests that are not essential and do not align with your values or may bring overwhelming amounts of stress.
• Get access to plenty of natural light. This can be done by spending some time outside or sitting under a sun lamp. According to Harvard Health (1), about 30 minutes of natural light a day can help to prevent seasonal depression. This can be done all at once or broken up into shorter blocks of time throughout the day.
• Maintain a regular schedule. Even when cold temperatures tempt you to sleep in, try to keep your alarm set and go about your morning routine. Keeping your body and mind in a natural rhythm can help to maintain stability and prevent seasonal depression.
• Start your own family traditions. Particularly if you have a conflict with your family of origin, it can help to ditch old traditions that do not align with your values and instead begin new ones. Traditions are meant to be fun and exciting. It can be easy to fall into continuing past family traditions out of obligation. 
• Take care of your body. Exercise at least 30 minutes a day, at least five days per week. Consider creative ways to gain exercise; exercise doesn't always have to include going to a gym! Consider going for a walk (solo or with a friend), attending a yoga class, or trying a new form of exercise you haven't yet done. Eat a balanced diet and get enough sleep.

Life transitions, whether seasonal, expected, or unexpected, can be difficult and really tough to go through. You are not alone! Therapy can help. Working with a clinician who understands the complexity of life transitions can give you a safe space to explore and process your feelings as well as make healthy plans for moving forward. Therapists who specialize in life transitions can help you to better understand your new or changed role and cope with the changes you are going through. You do not have to feel alone in your journey!

References:
(1): Harvard Health, https://www.health.harvard.edu/newsletter_article/shining-a-light-on-winter-depression#:~:text=You%20should%20absorb%20light%20for,light%20time%20before%2010%20a.m.

Interested in reading more about the services we provide for Life Transitions? Click here to check out our Life Transitions service page!

About the Author

Meg Ockovic, MA, MHC-LP, is a clinician at Healing & Growth Counseling. She specializes in helping her clients to adjust to, cope with, and thrive through life transitions. She herself has been through many life transitions. One that she reflects on positively is that of changing careers to become a mental health counselor. She always knew that counseling was her passion, wanting to help and hold space for others going through changes in their lives. Her favorite part of working with clients through various life transitions and adjustments in life is the increase she witnesses in self-efficacy as clients are able to execute behaviors necessary to produce changes. She loves the opportunity to validate her clients' progress and to be their cheerleader while they learn new coping skills, self-beliefs, and the confidence necessary to navigate their current transition. 

Learn more about Meg by reading her bio here.

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