Effective Communication: Choose your Priority

7/23/2025

Effective Communication: Choose your Priority

by Cindy Zabinski, LMHC, LCMHC, CRC, ACS

Have you ever been in conversation and been unsure of what to say next? Felt that the conversation flowed well, but you didn't feel that it had the outcome that you had hoped or planned for? I have worked with many clients who have answered "YES!" to one or both of these questions! Clients may still struggle in conversations even after they have learned many healthy communication skills, such as non-verbal skills, "I" statements, and feelings statements.

In working with these individuals, it became apparent that the common concern was not having a clear priority in the conversation. Conversations can become muddled and lack direction if one is not mindful of their priority in having it. Let's explore three possible priorities that conversations can serve:

Woman talking into megaphone. Focusing on your priority in conversations will help you to be heard in the way that you intend. It can also help to reduce anxiety going into conversations. Online therapy in NY can help you to develop these skills and implement them in your daily life.

Getting What I Want

A common focus of conversations is to ask someone for something, or to respond to someone's request of us. Consider some of the following examples:

Asking your spouse to stop and pick up milk on the way home from work.
Asking the babysitter if she can babysit on Friday so that you can attend a hair appointment.
Requesting that your co-worker share their portion of the project with you by Thursday so that you are prepared for your work meeting next Monday.
Letting your mother know that you cannot attend the event at her house because your kids have soccer practice at that time.
Telling your neighbor that you are available to help her with moving some furniture tomorrow.

Man and woman at work smiling and giving a high-five. Healthy communication skills can improve relationships with co-workers, promoting a safe and happy work environment. In person and online therapy in NY can help you to develop the communication skills that will help you to promote this at work.

Building the Relationship

Relationships are important for our mental health. Humans are wired to be interactive and engaged with others. We see positive spikes in neurotransmitters such as dopamine and serotonin (happy chemicals!) when we are connecting with others, promoting positive and enjoyable feelings. For these reasons, our purpose in conversing with others can also be with the priority of building and maintaining our relationship with them. Here are some examples in which this might be the priority:

Talking with your friend about her promotion at work.
Listening to a sibling vent about struggles in her romantic relationship.
Visiting a new mom and helping her with household tasks in the early days of having a newborn.

When we are engaging in conversation with someone with the priority of building and maintaining the relationship, we pay careful attention to the needs of the other person (of course not to the point of sacrificing our own values!). We use active listening, which includes non-verbal skills of nodding and leaning into the conversation. We provide validation and support.

A group of women sitting having coffee and conversing. Using healthy communication skills can help you to build and maintain important friendships that can improve your mental health. In person and online therapy in NY can help you to integrate these skills into your daily life so that you can have thriving relationships.

Building my Self Esteem

Sometimes, putting our self-esteem comes first. Having a voice and exercising that voice can be an important part of building a healthy self-esteem. Here are some examples in which this may be the priority:

Sharing with a new partner your values and beliefs.
Participating in a deep conversation with a friend about your feelings on a particular topic.
Setting a healthy boundary with a co-worker.

Putting it Together: Choose 1!

Now that you are aware of the three main focus areas of conversations, here comes the challenge. Before going into conversations, make a decision: which focus is the priority? This will help you to focus on what is most important as you start the conversation. Along the way, should you start to feel lost or like the conversation is not going as planned, you can reconnect with your priority to help assist in deciding which communication skills to use next.

Let's go through a couple of examples to see this skill in action:

Example 1: Claudia

Claudia is a married mother of two who was invited by her mother to a BBQ at her mother's house this weekend. Claudia had already purchased tickets to a concert on the same day with her family at the local performing arts center, which her children are especially excited about. Before calling her mother back, she considers the priority of her conversation:

Claudia feels that her relationship with her mother is secure and that her mother will be understanding if she declines the invitation. This promotes her to feel that the priority is not to maintain or build the relationship.
Claudia does not feel that her self-esteem is a priority in this situation.
Claudia is aware of her and her family's desire to attend the concert, so getting what she wants is the priority of the conversation.

Claudia then decides to call her mother back and politely decline the invitation using her "I" statements and feelings statements.

Example 2: Jake

Jake is an employee at a new up-and-coming company. He is excited to be on the forefront of this new company, which only has a few employees currently. Jake is trying to plan a vacation with his partner in a few weeks, and is planning to approach his boss to request the time off. In considering his priority in this conversation:

Building the relationship is a priority, as he is new with the company and wants to be a part of it long-term.
Self-esteem is somewhat important, as he wants to stand up for himself, however he does not feel that it is a priority in this situation.
In terms of getting what he wants, he recognizes that he and his partner have flexibility in their timeline of when they take their trip, so he has the ability to compromise.

Considering this, Jake goes into the conversation with his boss being sure to prioritize building the relationship, even if that means that he has to shift the vacation plans.

Hands holding cell phone. You can also adapt healthy communication skills to digital communication. In person and online therapy in NY can help you to implement health communication skills to your digital communication.

What about Digital Communication?

Nowadays, a LOT of communication happens digitally, such as by email, text message, or via social media. Can these skills also be used in these situations? Of course!

As you start your text/email/post, consider your priority. This may impact your wording, use of bold/capital letters/italics, and even your use of emojis or GIFs! Who is your communication directed to? What is your priority? Once you are finished drafting the message, read it back to yourself. If you were in the reader's shoes, would you have the same feeling/thought that you were trying to communicate?

One of the benefits of electronic communication is that you have the opportunity to pause and think about, as well as re-read, your message before sending. This allows additional assistance with using these skills and increased time to pause and consider how you want to communicate between messages. One challenge of electronic communication is that the person reading it is not able to hear your volume or tone, or see your body language and facial expressions, which could lead to understanding your message differently than you intended it. As you re-read the message before sending, consider different ways that it could be interpreted, and if you fear it could be mis-read, consider having the conversation verbally instead.

About the Author

Cindy Zabinski, LMHC, LCMHC, CRC, ACS is the founder and owner of Healing & Growth Counseling. Her extensive experience in both agency work and private practice has led to her noticing trends in concerns that clients bring in to their therapy sessions, including this blog topic about priorities in conversations. She hopes that this blog post can help readers learn an access this knowledge to better help them engage in effective and enjoyable conversations with others.

Interested in learning more about Cindy? Check out her Bio page on our website here.

Struggling with communication in relationships? Check out our Couple Counseling service page here.

Interested in scheduling an initial appointment to work towards your goals? Call us at (516) 406-8991 or fill out our Contact Form here.

Men's Mental Health: Why it Matters and How Therapy Can Help

7/1/2025

Men's Mental Health: Why it Matters and How Therapy Can Help

by Candyce Young, MSEd, MHC-LP

Mental health issues affect everyone—regardless of gender—but men often face unique challenges in how they experience, express, and respond to emotional pain.

For generations, men have been taught that they have to be strong, silent, and show no emotion. “Man up!,” “Don’t cry!,” and “Handle it yourself!” are messages many men hear from a young age. While these cultural norms may seem harmless from the outside, they often encourage men to suppress or bottle up their emotions, avoid vulnerability, and silently endure psychological distress.

Man with head in hands in distress. Men often don't receive the mental health care that they need and deserve. Healing & Growth Counseling provides in person and online therapy in NY for men.

Many wonder if there is a harmful effect? Yes, millions of men are struggling with their mental health in silence. This can lead to depression, anxiety, physical health concerns, and feeling alone in all of it. The impact of following these cultural norms can have devastating impacts on a man's life at home, work, and beyond.

Men’s mental health matters, and therapy can play a critical role in healing, growth, and long-term well-being.

According to global health statistics & the National Institute of Health or (NIH):
-Six million men are affected by depression in the United States
-Men are less likely to seek help for depression, anxiety, or trauma.
-Suicide rates are significantly higher among men than women in most countries.
-Men are more likely to use substances like alcohol or drugs as coping mechanisms.
-Many men struggle with expressing vulnerability due to societal pressure.

Systems in men can also be seen by masking/bottling up emotions where anger, withdrawal, or overworking—leads to burnout, broken relationships, and mental health crises.

Man sitting wearing mask with hand on forehead looking sad. Men's mental health is important and should not be ignored. Healing & Growth Counseling provides men's mental health counseling services, both in person in Massapequa Park and as online therapy in NY!

Men Struggle with Asking for Help

Why don't men reach out for help if they need it? There are several barriers that stop men from accessing mental health support:

Stigma

Seeking therapy is often misinterpreted as a sign of weakness or failure. Based on old-fashioned, outdated cultural norms, they worry that they will be perceived as weak by family, friends, and others.

Cultural Expectations

Traditional gender roles promote emotional restraint and self-reliance. In social history, it has been believed that men are supposed to be "the rock" and be able to take care of themselves and others. They are not supposed to cry or express sadness.

Fear of Vulnerability

Many men are uncomfortable opening up about personal struggles. This can also be related to the fear of being seen as "weak".

Lack of Awareness

Men may not recognize emotional symptoms or understand that therapy could help. They are often quicker to assume that physical symptoms are due to medical issues rather than triggered by emotional concerns.

Man sitting in therapy across from a female therapist. Society continues to break down the stigma related to men's mental health. In-person therapy and online therapy in NY can help men to process feelings, heal from their past, and grow towards the future!

The good news? These barriers can be overcome—starting with open conversations and accessible mental health care.

How Therapy Can Help Men

Therapy isn’t just for “when things get bad.” It’s a proactive tool for improving emotional well-being, strengthening relationships, and gaining clarity about life’s challenges.

Here's how therapy specifically supports men’s mental health:

1. Understanding Emotions

Therapy helps men identify and understand emotions like anger, sadness, and anxiety—without shame. This emotional literacy leads to healthier coping strategies.

2. Developing Healthy Coping Mechanisms

Rather than bottling up stress or turning to unhealthy habits, therapy equips men with practical tools to manage pressure and navigate life’s challenges.

3. Improving Communication

Many men struggle to express what they feel or need. Therapy enhances communication skills, helping improve relationships with partners, friends, and family.

4. Healing from Trauma

Whether it’s childhood wounds, toxic relationships, or loss, therapy creates a safe space to process and heal from trauma.

5. Breaking Generational Patterns

Men who engage in therapy often discover they are repeating unhelpful patterns modeled by previous generations—and therapy offers the tools to break the cycle.

Society continues to break down the stigma related to therapy in general and therapy for men. By focusing on challenging outdated beliefs about men and mental health, less barriers will exist to keep men from engaging in the mental health care that can benefit them in healing from their past and working towards their goals.

Resource: Chatmon B. N. (2020). Males and Mental Health Stigma. American journal ofmen's health, 14(4), 1557988320949322. https://doi.org/10.1177/1557988320949322

About the Author

Candyce Young, MSEd, MHC-LP is a mental health counselor at Healing & Growth Counseling. Candyce is a culturally-informed clinician and takes pride in creating a safe environment for all clients that she works with, including men. She takes specific care in being aware and educated in the topic of men's mental health. She has worked with many people to break down stigma barriers and assist them in processing feelings and achieving their goals.

Interested in learning more about Candyce? Check out her bio here.

Interested in scheduling an appointment with Candyce? Call us at (516) 406-8991 or fill out our Contact Form here.